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I can't emphasize this point enough. You wouldn’t learn how to cook from a restaurant critic would you? Women are consumers of romance, they don’t produce it. I’d further extend it taking almost any advice at all from women on any subject. I decline to elaborate further due to this board’s civility norms. Instead a story.
I friend of mine had a dog that really wanted to chase cars. He was fenced in well but managed to jump over, so they got a higher fence. The dog then dug under that one so they started tying him to a lead as well as sinking the fence. The dog strained at the lead when vehicles passed, dug ever deeper holes, and maintained it’s single minded focus. One day it worked. The material stress on the lead compounded and it broke, the escalating digging efforts were adequate; he did it, he was free. A particularly obnoxious or chase-worth vehicle was in his sites, going slow. The dog finally caught one and it crushed his head like a grape.
The libido of a young man is a powerful thing, it’s built civilizations and it’s destroyed them. It’s driven men to the highest levels of achievement as well as suicide. Marlon Brando once described it as being chained to a madman. Short of voluntarily becoming a eunuch, men are in a tough situation in our modern world because of it. I have great sympathy.
However, if you think you have problems with women related to not being able to catch one, wait until, like the dog in the story, you do.
The next time you experience an ebb in your libido, try the following thought experiment. Consider a woman you know well and are attracted to. If through some sorcery they were magically transformed into a man but everything else about them remained, their behaviors, attitudes, they way they treat people, their “personality”, work ethic, etc all remained identical to their pre-transformation self. But instead of their attractive female packaging they now male, would you want to be their friend? Is this a man you would engage in cooperative pursuits with? Even want to be around them at all?
This really helped me when I was young and in the throws of my libido. For me the answer was overwhelmingly NO for the vast majority of the women I was attracted to. At the risk of violating this board’s norms against “booing the outgroup” the vast majority of the attractive women I’ve known in my life have been kinda shitty people. Petty, vain, immoral, motivated by a combination of fear of consequences and avarice. Deathly allergic to taking responsibility for any of their negative behavior. A weak internal locus of control. I’m am absolutely not saying all women are like this, but the American white middle class women I’ve spent most of my life around absolutely are, including all of my immediate family (barring one self-actualized aunt). This also describes a good chunk of the men as well. In times of weakness it also described me.
If you have a strong lifelong desire to start a family you have few options here I’m afraid. If you don’t ever desire children its easier. The main point of this rant is to consider more carefully the objects of your desire as much as you can while blinded by the fog of that same desire.
Finally, self-improvement is worth it for the its own sake. Worry about yourself more. Be more selfish. Be healthy. Pursue your goals, career or otherwise. Be ok with occasionally being an asshole. Perversely (or maybe not?) a fit and driven man who doesn’t give a shit about women is attractive to some of them. Often most of them.
If and when you finally do achieve your goal of forming a relationship, like the dog in the story, then do your real problems start.
I find the average Indian man or woman rather vapid and boring, and even attractiveness doesn't seem to have more than a minimal bearing on that.
Maybe it's different in the West, but the closest I get to seeing the kind of insanity most average Americans suffer from is when I accidentally wander into a default sub on reddit.
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