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PaperclipPerfector  1yr ago (text post)   32762 thread views

Culture War Roundup for the week of June 12, 2023

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The disadvantages of not having a dad - lower income, less supervision, no male role model, etc - all seem less important than the effect of being raised by the type of woman who becomes a single mother, or in the type of environment that generates single motherhood.

Or—likely most importantly—the effect of inheriting the genes of a single mother and/or the man who knocked her up.

alternatively, knowing that your dad is gone because of the impersonal, unavoidably tragic nature of the world does a lot less damage to a kid, relative to knowing that your dad is gone because he looked at you and your mom, and chose to throw you away.

I've never had a spouse die, but I have been divorced. All else being equal, I'm pretty sure having a spouse die would hurt less.

I don't think it's emotional damage so much as effects on role model. A father who abandoned his familial obligation, or went to prison, is a very bad role model. A father who died will is not present as a role model, but his idealized memory will be.

Also, becoming the man your dead father would have been proud of is more motivating than making a father proud who "clearly" didn't care.

alternatively, knowing that your dad is gone because of the impersonal, unavoidably tragic nature of the world does a lot less damage to a kid, relative to knowing that your dad is gone because he looked at you and your mom, and chose to throw you away.

It's possible, but one could easily reframe and pose a just-so story the other way around too: that knowing your father was ripped away from your life and is forever done and gone because of the cruel, cosmically unfair nature of the universe does a lot more damage to a kid—relative to knowing that pa has been absent because ma and pa don't get along, but time heals all wounds so he could come back for you someday.

I've never had a spouse die, but I have been divorced. All else being equal, I'm pretty sure having a spouse die would hurt less.

For spouses I'm sure, as spousal death doesn't include a lengthy, bitter, expensive court battle, losing half your stuff, and possibly paying alimony after. Many married people even choose homicide over divorce. It's "til death do us part" and not "til death or divorce do us part" after all, where the former is even considered romantic. However, for children, I'm fairly certain most of them would rather that their parents get divorced than have one of them die.

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