The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
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Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.
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Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.
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Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).
Jump in the discussion.
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Notes -
Keep your head up, King. Dealing with female passivity, flakiness, and fickleness is a universal frustration for men in dating, one that transcends space and time.
Your experience is well-illustrated by this roughly paraphrased and translated Latin American Spanish meme:
Guy: So when are you free to hang-out
Girl: Anytime you want 😊
Guy: How about tomorrow?
Girl: No, I can’t tomorrow
Guy: Monday?
Girl: Can’t Monday.
Guy: What about Thursday?
Girl: Thursday? Can’t either.
Guy: When then?
Girl: Anytime you want 😊
Even after getting her number, getting a girl to agree on a time to meet and having her actually show up instead of flaking is like pulling teeth. Girls are so passive that they often won’t offer any assistance at all through the process when they aren’t actively thwarting you, e.g., refraining from disclosing their availability so you have to play scheduling battleship, hoping you can read her mind such that you manage to call out a time that works on the first or second try (because the more guesses it takes, the more desperate you look and the more her remaining attraction for you is killed).
I’d guess my success rate for getting a number from a message off social media and online dating combined is about 1/25. Once a message is obtained, the success rate for getting a date arranged and her showing up is roughly 1/5. However, if she shows up, the probability of me banging her on the first date is like 4/5, especially since I try to chess-game it such that the date occurs at my place (which can be a negotiation process in and of itself). Or more succinctly stated:
P(Number Obtained | Message): 1/25
P(Date Realised | Number Obtained): 1/5
P(Bang | Date Realised): 4/5
These are all very much approximate figures picked in the moment, of course, to capture the spirit and degrees of magnitude. I totally feel you on the second step there being particularly aggravating. After grinding to get a number, there are still multiple hoops to jump through before a first date can occur—it feels so close yet so far—and if you fumble the prospect during that step, it’s often seemingly due to no fault of your own, little that you can point to where you could execute better next time.
Going back to the grind, playing the numbers game, and maintaining a deep prospect pool is the best solution.
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