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In terms of our social life, travel, DINK lifestyle, etc. The 2nd had blown-up that. We bought a lager house in the ex-burbs, a used SUV, and my wife became a SAHM then we had number 3 and 4 and briefly entertained the idea of 5, likely would have happened if we were younger. I should add that this coincided with a relocation from a western Europe capitol city to New England.
I think thoughtful competent people should absolutely have as many children as they can manage.
Combo, but more complicated. She was working as a junior doctor. It looked like she was getting stuck as an NCHD, despite jumping through a number of hoops, research PhD, etc. We wanted to buy somewhere, housing was really expensive. She took full maternity leave but once that ended we were both working full time and the kids were in creche, nearly full time. I had suggested retooling our lives to realign how we were living. Housing was better value. If she wasn't going to work, there were tax advantages in the US. She'd worked on being able to practice in the US, passed the USMLE but didn't match (no interviews).
Our 3rd was born 9 months after we closed on the house, the 4th 2 years after the 3rd.
She prefers it now, at the time, there were some rough days. We were together in rental accommodation for ~8 months following 6 months apart save 4 weeks, as I needed to take up my new position before her visa was issued. If I had to do it again I'd really want to shrink the time apart and in the rental.
She wants to homeschool the kids next year.
It’s unfortunately very difficult for foreign doctors to get residency in the US, part of a very deliberate effort to ensure high labor prices for doctors. Glad that your wife seems happy now though.
It's a career that often doesn't map well to home / family life. Before we moved, looking at her senior colleagues we were hard pressed to find success stories, large families, intact marriages and successful careers.
It would have been nice for her to have the option. Though I think the money can be kind of a trap too. As DINK we didn't really have to think much about our spending. Now we're much more aware, and watch more closely.
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