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PaperclipPerfector  1yr ago (text post)   32286 thread views

Culture War Roundup for the week of May 22, 2023

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That's tough, agreed that sort of thing can perpetuate. You didn't ask for advice outside the dating realm and I don't know your financial situation but you could consider something in the therapy line, counseling, or internal family systems. It certainly helped me, though it took a while to find the right person. If our family of origin has patterns and we were molded by them, it does become somewhat inevitable that we reflect these back onto our relationships in different ways. Relationships of different kinds (they don't have to be perfect) can help along the way but I've always thought that at the end of the day it's all down to me, what is it that holds me back with assertiveness, intimacy, resentment, self-doubt etc? It happened for me that being patient and focused and owning my own stuff ultimately put me in the position where the right person came along. I had a lot of failed dating attempts along the way, which were learnings, but I had enough confidence and self-momentum to understand this not as rejection but as poor fit. This self-sovereignty then gives you the allure needed because you're genuinely not desparate. While negative situations in your early life can have negative knockon consequences, it is also true that making positive changes to your own life will have positive knock-on changes. It may be you tend to meet more people on the way up as it were. While I'm in the advice mode, exercise is great and I also found meditation the start of an important journey for me- if you go this route consider learning it from sitting in with an actual tradition such as Buddhism ( you can ignore the fluff but it got me closer to the heart of the matter than going it alone with apps etc. Anyways apologies if I've overdone it.

you could consider something in the therapy line, counseling, or internal family systems

I've seen many therapists over the course of the last decade. I have Complex PTSD.

While negative situations in your early life can have negative knockon consequences, it is also true that making positive changes to your own life will have positive knock-on changes.

I've been through many negative events, both in my early life and in more recent years.

I'm trying to make positive changes, but it's a slow process.

Sounds tough, and makes my comment somewhat moot. Keep on, keeping on, sounds like you have plenty of insight already. I didn't come from a traumatic home but did suffer the early death of my father. Go well.

I'm sorry to hear about your father.

Thanks for your words of support.

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