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FWIW, I'm 100% ok with living in Ancapistan, and there are a lot of things I would not object to (or think about differently, at least) in that world. We don't live in Ancapistan, so if I'm being taxed to pay for roads, then I think it's reasonable to expect that e.g. those roads are safe to use.
Now, this is probably a rare position among urbanists. But from an economist's point of view, if you want to subsidize something, it probably makes sense to A) subsidize things with positive externalities or minor negative externalities over those with large negative externalities; B) have a plan for how you're going to handle the increased consumption. I think that walking, cycling, and transit are vastly superior to cars on both of these measures.
In addition, I think that subsidies and regulations are more relevant if you rely heavily on arguments like "I just want to live in a single family home" or "I like to drive." If someone legitimately thinks that building roads for cars, and no infrastructure for anything else, for example, creates positive externalities--then my pointing to subsidies wouldn't be a good counterargument.
Do those suburbs still have e.g. laws banning building anything other than single family homes? "Just" putting in bike lanes and traffic calming is not going to undo 75 years of mistakes, but personally I would think it makes more sense if the priority is to legalize some dense suburbs, especially around transit, with those features, and improve downtown cores, rather than redoing "every single" suburb.
(I know that "protected bike lanes and traffic calm roads in every last suburb" sounds like a lot, but given the vast amount of time, effort, money, and regulations that have gone into making almost every last corner of the US dependent on cars, I actually don't think it's very much. This report, for example, finds that 300 miles of bikeways costs the same as 1 mile of 4-lane freeway. What would these suburbs look like if they spent the same amount of money on alternatives as on cars?)
I think you already know the answer, which is: You would have to ask him (he does talk about rural areas in his Switzerland video).
I mean, they'd probably like the option to be car-free in and near cities. Beyond that, I couldn't say, but my internal model of people I know says basically yes. To be honest, the US is so far from even the most basic urbanist goals that I'm confused why this is such a big sticking point. Are you worried that if we make even moderate reforms, suddenly all cars will be banned? You are clearly aware that nothing of the sort has happened in the Netherlands, and what is going on there has taken decades to accomplish.
edit: I looked through the thread you linked and it seems like pretty much every comment is saying what I've been saying... don't need to get rid of all cars, but make other options viable.
No. I believe zoning laws are likely not necessary because the free market can easily decide between good and bad.
No. But the biggest problem with the urbanist movement is this sort of mixed and unclear messaging going on that makes people want to run away from them as fast as possible. If I was an urbanist, I'd focus more on championing alternatives (like Road Guy Rob) instead of enumerating the nth problem with cars. I'd explicitly tell people, hey, you can get to keep your cars if you want, but we just need to make walking and biking safer. (Or find some other way to get my message across because even what I just said has been used as the motte for a bailey that people are starting to catch on to.)
To compare and contrast with a different movement (which, admittedly, affects people less directly than urbanism, but still has a substantial amount of discourse online about), it'd be like if I was a right-to-repair advocate but spent a not insignificant amount of my time complaining about how proprietary software/hardware is ruining the world and everything should be open-sourced. I may believe that open-sourcing everything would legitimately make the world better after accounting for all the negative effects and second-order effects - I may even be completely fine with not getting this implemented and only having schematics, parts, and diagnostics made available (the moderate/mainline position) - but I should recognize that to most people, open-sourcing everything and gutting intellectual property rights is a radical position to take, and if they think I hold it they'll be turned off; therefore my time would be better spent on pushing the more reasonable points (e.g. it is absurd that after repairing a tractor, you need the blessing of a John Deere repairman to come down and "calibrate" it when it would literally work fine without it). And in fact right-to-repair has been weakmanned over this open-source (and intellectual property) point by anti-repair lobbyists.
As far as I can tell, urbanists propose quite a lot of reforms that are quite far from "ban all cars." Here's a handful (keeping in mind that not everything on the list is implemented everywhere all at once; the priorities would be for cities, downtowns, and areas near transit):
Repeal CAFE and replace it with a carbon tax and/or higher gas tax.
Create more pedestrian areas with few vehicles.
Build more bike lanes. Having lanes that are protected from cars and in useful places is more important than having many miles of bad bike lanes.
Repeal or reduce SFR only zoning, along with related policies like parking minimums, setback requirements, minimum lot sizes, etc.
Build more traffic calming measures. We already have speed bumps and low speed limits, even (especially!) in low-density suburbs, but those aren't really enough.
Instead of building infinite roads with the mistaken belief it will alleviate congestion, provide alternatives and use congestion pricing. Similar for parking; don't provide free or subsidized public parking.
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