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What you are missing here is that "waste of human lives" is not a big deal for Russian powers. It's how Russia has always conducted its wars, and if it requires a million people sacrificed to achieve the geo-political goals or internal goals, whatever they are, it's a success. So for them, it's not a downside - it's an acceptable price, maybe even beneficial in some sense - they send criminals, troublemakers, rabble-rousers, poor people, etc. to die in battle, so they won't be a problem for Russian government inside Russia. Of course, they'd prefer to do it "in 3 days with no casualties" as they bragged, but if that's not on the table, what's happening now is still acceptable to them.
Not really. US actions in Iraq and Afghanistan were aimed at (whatever flawed execution followed) removing a hostile and belligerent government and installing a new one, more calm and less aggressive. US did not plan to make Iraq a state of the Union and force Iraqis to become Americans. Yet it's exactly what the ultimate goal of Russia is in Ukraine - for Ukraine to cease to exist as a country and be assimilated into Russia, both politically, culturally and in every other sense. It should be no more independent than Buryatia (which supplies a lot of troops dying now, btw) or Novgorod oblast - once upon a time, those were independent states, with their own governments, cultures and policies, now they are just zipcodes in Russia. Nobody ever wanted to make Afghanistan a zipcode in the US.
We need to define "Russia" here. With "Russia" as the fascist criminal syndicate holding the power there currently, a lot:
Unprecedented political consolidation - most of the population doesn't dream of opposing Putin now, it'd be treason! It's a long standing tradition to start a war whenever the throne feels a bit shaky. What is a democratic dissent in peace time, is a capital offense at war time.
Unprecedented level of totalitarian control over the society, which may not have been accepted if there weren't a war.
Unprecedented level of control over the economy and opportunities for profiteering, while the population has to accept everything as "the hardships of war" and doesn't dare to raise questions about grotesquely corrupt actions of the syndicate.
Grandiose global actions on the geopolitical arena - Russia is not just bombing Ukrainian villages to dust for no reason at all, they are striking a blow in the heart of NATO. Or at least that's what the propaganda says, and at some level they believe it. They hate the West and want to hurt it. Since they can't meaningfully do it directly, they do it by hurting it by proxy - by attacking westernized Ukraine.
Restoring the Russian Empire. It's one thing to be a Fuhrer of some oversized half-frozen gas station, and another - to be an Emperor. Putin wants to be an Emperor and continue the long Russian tradition of conquering whatever neighboring lands they can, just because they can. It is what, in their opinion, great Empires do, and they want to be a great Empire.
Destroying Ukraine is important because Ukraine being westernized and successful (or at least not a hellhole) would destroy a main staple of Russian propaganda - that the western democracy is unsuitable and culturally unacceptable for Russian people. Since the same propaganda holds Ukrainians are just Russians too stupid to realize it, if they have a functioning democratic westernized state, that means Russia could too. But the staple of the state ideology is that the current arrangement is the best fit for Russia and changing it would lead to unspeakable havoc and anarchy. If that doesn't come to Ukraine by itself, Russia has to bring it.
Reliving days of the past glory - WW2 and the Soviet Victory in it (it's only Soviet victory, all the others were at best cheering on the sidelines) is a full-blown fanatical religious cult in Russia, more strong that the Christian Orthodoxy. Giving a chance to the younger population to participate in the re-enactment of the religious sacrifices their ancestors did does great for consolidating the society around the glorious leaders. That's why Ukrainians must be "nazis" - the cult demands it, otherwise it doesn't fit.
With "Russia" as Russian population, a chance of living in "great country" that opposes the decadent West and stands tall and is feared by all. For some, this is enough to die for (or live in squalor for). For others, 10 years imprisonment is threat enough to keep silent and get on with the program.
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