Do you have a dumb question that you're kind of embarrassed to ask in the main thread? Is there something you're just not sure about?
This is your opportunity to ask questions. No question too simple or too silly.
Culture war topics are accepted, and proposals for a better intro post are appreciated.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
Notes -
His brain is screaming in the pain of loss, and trying to communicate that pain while there’s still a chance to relieve it without full despair.
Let me explain. The absurdity of the stipulations are a workaround for the pain of the disorder. Hoarding is a compulsive, disordered behavior, and I believe it is driven by the neuroscientific reality that human brains, ordered and disordered, automatically create relationships with everything we touch.
I know that each of my own piles is a sort of mental map of the unfinished plans I had for everything when I put it down there, and that throwing those things away as a pile would be truly painful, as all those unfinished behavior loops are cut short without regard for my need to touch the objects once again, even if just to say goodbye and let go.
I’ve discovered that digital photos suffice for neurological “ownership” of any objects I still own only for nostalgia. However, if I remember I had any plans for them, I still must find an amicable end to that relationship or suffer a deep sense of loss.
Clutterers Anonymous exists for a real biologically driven reason.
I don't dispute that decluttering is deeply psychicly painful for a hoarder--that is certainly true. The thrust of my point was aimed somewhat differently, however: has @f3zinker's relative accepted that he has a serious problem, and it's not the mess itself? Assuming that Clutterers Anonymous follows the usual 12-step pattern, the first step is acknowledging that you have a problem, and it's not clear to me that the hoarder in question has reached that point.
"I need to touch everything before it leaves" strikes me as a reasonable desire under the circumstances, though it may or may not be practical. "I need a tracking document in Excel for every physical object, and that will solve matters" is a take that I find very suspect, though--it seems much more like heel-dragging obstructionism, not just coping.
I don't know the person in question, so perhaps my impression is unduly pessimistic. Based on the description, though, I think it's worth asking whether the hoarder is onboard with the necessity of change even on an intellectual level, or not. If he's just being compelled, that mess is coming back.
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link