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First, there is absolutely an effect on how Others see you based on who your ancestors were. Second, you're making a mistake of assuming the spirits are 100% on "sword means dick, no arguments" based on the Implementum book, which is written by Practitioner society who love their rigid categories. Having a bias towards "sword is male" does not mean "totally inflexible".
I disagree, I think they are totally inflexible towards having that bias. It's not like some famous female warrior or even a god will ever convince the spirits that "sword means female". Similarly I would expect them to always say "penis means male" and "XY chromosomes means male" which would always be a handicap towards any trans practitioner attempting to adopt a female role. Not saying it would be impossible, but it would be impossible to lose that handicap entirely.
If anything I think that strategy would also make for a better story because it would mean more needs to be sacrificed to pursue your convictions.
Enough female warriors will. If anything, the fact that it's a bias and not a mandatory requirement even after thousands of years of precedent and symbolism speaks against it being "total". Your "penis means male" example is much more inflexible.
Well that's my point! The spirits never seem to outright ban anything at all--even lying is permitted for Onis, among others--but there is a headwind if you go against precedent.
And your objection is that it's not a good story because they don't ban anything outright, or what? If so, I'm afraid the flexibility has been built into the setting from the beginning. As Blake put it, everything is theater.
As far as this objection, I like that nothing is banned, but I think in some cases the headwind is also missing where it shouldn't be. My main objection, though, is:
So many odd decisions have been made to artificially neuter the conservative side of things--doing things like just arbitrarily neutering by far the largest conservative institution in the world. Bare minimum, when an author does this, I expect them to have a more nuanced view of reality than just "Current Popular Thing Good." At least have ONE thing where you differ even SLIGHTLY from the popular ideology of the Current Day, and not in the "50 stalins" direction. Just one semi-political perspective which a mainstream progressive journalist would disagree with. Some ideas:
14 year-olds are actually not very good communicators and don't speak like therapists, nor are they very emotionally mature for the most part
Sexual relationships without commitment are unhealthy, especially when you're really young
Religion has some benefits
Late-term abortion is not 100% ok for everyone in all circumstances
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