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Absolutely.
That still doesn't imply that I should be forced to affirm that somebody with a penis is a woman just because they don't like traditionally masculine behaviors or prefer traditionally feminine behaviors.
This feels like beating a dead horse at this point, but it really all boils down to what information people expect the words "man/male/he/him/his" and "woman/female/she/her/hers" to convey. I want "woman" to mean "a biologically female human being with two X chromosomes and a vajayjay", and "man" to mean "a biologically male human being with XY chromosomes and a dong". Hermaphrodites and people with oddball chromosome configurations are so rare that our language doesn't need to account for them, and as far as I can tell they're not the ones at the forefront of the campaign to redefine those word clusters.
I have no problem if a man wants to wear clothing that is traditionally feminine and prefer knitting to video games as a hobby, or vice versa. Men who have more feminine interests and expressions and women with more masculine interests and expressions have always existed. Like, I see what you're doing there, girl with short hair and baggy clothes. You're de-emphasizing your femininity for whatever reason. I can still tell you're a girl. You're not fooling anybody. You also don't need to put "enby/they/them" in your Twitter bio or change your name to a gender-neutral or male one for me to figure out what your deal is. You can dress and groom yourself however you like, and nobody should harass you for it, and they should treat you the same as they treat anybody else in public-sphere interactions (teacher-student, employer-employee, customer-server, etc.). None of that means that you're not female.
Now, I feel like I have to acknowledge that there are definitely cultures, both past and present, that are much less tolerant of "deviant" behavior along these lines. Parents yelling at their boys for playing with dolls instead of army men, and vice versa. I feel like that is just a specific case of intolerance for misfits, which I believe is wrong and should be prevented. But the solution to "men who like to knit get made fun of" isn't "okay, then change your name to a female name and start insisting that the world treat you like an actual woman".
"okay, then change your name to a female name and start insisting that the world treat you like an actual woman".
Are we sure? That is an actual solution (though there are others of course). If you accept (as you appear to) that is should be ok for a man to fulfill all the social roles of a woman then a way to signal that is to dress, act and use the same words that are used for a woman. There is a built in set of words and roles that fit what he wants and that is much easier to utilize than creating a whole new categorization process and getting the world to accept it. It's easier to step into a role that already exists than create a new one. Even the word tomboy gestures in this way no? A girl who behaves like a boy would be expected to is called a tomboy. A man who acts like a woman perhaps used to be called a sissy (and still is in some circles) but if you want it to be socially accepted then is trans-woman really all that different? And is a trans man who doesn't actually get surgery or hormones and just socially transitions (the most common approach) really any different than a tomboy?
The directional goal of the saying trans-women are women (or trans men are men) and to treat them as such is to remove the social shame, which you agree should be removed. There are other avenues of doing so, but this one builds upon the existing rails so to speak.
This is one of the clash zones with Radical Feminism, which (generally) holds that those social gender roles/words/themes/ should be torn down in the first place. There are other trans people hold similar views (non-binary and the like) which is one of the fault lines withing the trans community itself.
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