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Wellness Wednesday for March 1, 2023

The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:

  • Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.

  • Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.

  • Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.

  • Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).

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Well, you asked, but our experiences are probably a bit dissimilar. If I make a list with on one side, pleasures and joys, and on the other, pain and distress, it’s going to be a blowout for the light side. I experience very little pain, and pleasure from for example eating, alone, is already greater.

On a less rational level, as a kid one of my parents was constantly talking about suicide and it made me anxious that they might go through with it. I decided then I would never commit suicide if I could help it. Not only that, but I would make sure that everybody knew I was always happy and anti-suicide, to spare them the anxiety.

I made up rules that ‘allowed’ me to commit suicide if : I didn’t waver in my suicidal wishes for a year, plus, I called my parents and best friends and told them I was suicidal at least a month in advance. Or excruciating constant physical pain for two months. The closest I came to testing them was after an operation, but even then I rejected the idea immediately.

As far as I know I’ve always been a relatively happy kid, but it’s possible this personal philosophy through a sort of mirror effect, by forcing a smile, has made me happier. On that subject, one day, I decided I wouldn’t cry anymore, like I suppose most boys (though in my case it was again prompted by the sight of my crying parent). So I recorded a list of mostly absurdist jokes that I would recite in front of a mirror whenever I was crying. Inevitably I would laugh, and seeing myself laugh-crying I would laugh even harder. It worked. But now when I see people cry I have an urge to laugh, which is less than helpful in certain situations, like a funeral. Ah whatever, worth it. Life is weird.