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Yes, I think this is the crux of the matter. "Defective," like most words, isn't strictly defined and has loose boundaries. Whether or not opinions of women should define "defective," I think it does define "defective" for a certain common way of defining "defective." This is somewhat different from the way one might use "defective" when describing "Henry" as "defective" and "Tesla" as "not defective," but since they're the same word, I think there's an impulse to take people who are "defective" by the former definition and fit them into the box of the second definition.
Of course, the choice of the term "defective" is also somewhat arbitrary. It's really just a shorthand for a general cluster of negative affect one might attach to someone.
Why can't we just split the meaning between 'sexually attractive', 'prestigious' and 'talented'. The English language is not short of words, we don't have to recycle. Napoleon had immense talent but less skills with women, he got cuckolded by some cavalry lieutenant. I think the axis of sexual attraction is completely unrelated to actual talent, just as charisma is separated from intelligence or strength.
Women often respond to physical attractiveness, prestige and wit. But you can lack all of these things and still be talented. I suppose you might say that the biological purpose of our genes is to reproduce, that's the sole goal. But we have an entire compensation system to address this issue, talented but uncharismatic men are supposed to acquire money so they can mate by bribing women. Our civilization unconsciously recognizes (or used to recognize) that it's useful to reward ugly talent.
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