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Notes -
Yeah, I totally agree that monogamy enforcing / age gap shaming is propped up by mostly female interests these days. The reaction of men to Leo is usually, damn, what a lucky bastard. (I didn't think of it while writing my comment because I have a biased viewpoint.) DiCaprio as a model for successful males is the archenemy of unmarried women from the mid-thirties and up.
However, I do think the taboo is a historical feature of our society, not an eternal dynamic of sexual competition. Other civs have had different norms — I don't get the impression that Afghanistan, say, makes any bones about age gaps even for totally monstrous child marriages; and there are actually tribes where the sexual norms are that old men get all the young wives. Past the level of city-state, things tend to converge into a few sexual regimes that work. The legacy package of Western monogamy (no premarital sex, til death we part, no widowers chasing young wives) was selected and conquered the world because of how it changed the behavior of males. This is my background paradigm which I abbreviated in my reply.
In practice, females enforce the norms.
Yup, that's what it boils down to. According to consent theory, there shouldn't be a problem with age gaps between adults. If you can sign a contract transferring $100k of your money to a college, you are definitely equipped to decide whose bits you want inside you. But people have to find some moral justification for their gut reaction, which is still rooted in values older than consent theory. This is what I mean when I say the taboo is irrational. (Not to say you couldn't justify age gap restrictions rationally)
The taboo? Yes. I guess the better way to put my position is that the impulse is natural but whether there's an enforced taboo varies by culture. Same with homosexuality and all sorts of other things.
Women I know loathe the idea of a younger second wife (enough that my mom warned me against it lol) and probably always have* but there's no strong taboo yet, since there's a counter-vailing norm for polygamy and many men aren't really inclined to care about the complaints of women.
I don't know if I would go that far in establishing a causal link between this and Western dominance** but I know that there are at least scholars I respect that do (e.g. Joseph Henrich)
* Cross-pollination with the West in the colonial era muddies the waters but I don't think the British invented the sense of grievance I've seen.
** One could argue that Western dominance led to replacing old norms with Western-flavored ones (e.g. like with Christianity)
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