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naraburns  nihil supernum  2yr ago (text post)   4607 thread views

Small-Scale Question Sunday for November 20, 2022

Do you have a dumb question that you're kind of embarrassed to ask in the main thread? Is there something you're just not sure about?

This is your opportunity to ask questions. No question too simple or too silly.

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I don't know how to ask it in a fanciful way, so: How can I be more evil and self-centered? I've basically sacrificed myself multiple times, halting my own life to help others (7 years to finish a BSc for being an active participant in a family problem) and I've received... Nothing. I've even had people refuse invitations for dinner, at my expense, because they're "soooooooooo busy" even though their social media reveal a very different schedule, one where I am not present.

Then I remembered during college we had a Physics Lab and decided to be a total dick as an experiment: disrespecting other, uneven workload, stumping my feet when others didn't do things my way, I was really disgusted at myself and thought other saw me as an asshole... and then I received lots of compliment for "my leadership", for having "a tough attitude but worthwhile the pain" (I'm copy-pasting literal text here). Are people retarded? Am I? Are they masochists? Was I taught wrongly and this is actually a positive role model? I don't really understand this social dynamics.

All advice is autobiographical. Which is the most obvious statement ever but that didn't stop Scott from having rediscovered it from first principles.

Your natural temperament might be far too agreeable and advice of "be more disagreeable" is made for you.

Social dynamics is very multi-factorial. Being an "asshole" worked in that context, with you, with those people, in that time, for that task with that exact position of the moons and the stars. Be wary about extrapolating too much insight from it.

I don't know if this qualifies as a "dark art" but as for being a "leader" there is something that will actually guarantee you get away with that every single time. Just be better at the shared task than everyone else. And be made sure to be seen working more than them.

Why do you conflate "self-centered" with "evil"? Those are very different. You can be focused on yourself without harming anyone - actually quite the opposite. Usually when you focus and better yourself you can pull along your loved ones, either by example or by gaining the means to help them (e.g., financially). I think the first step is to really hammer that in.

Another thing to consider is that nobody likes a covert contract. You can read more about this in the book No More Mr. Nice Guy, which is usually recommended in red pill circles for good reason. Actually, just read the book - it's not gospel, but it helps. I mention this because you said:

I've basically sacrificed myself multiple times, halting my own life to help others [...] and I've received... Nothing.

Which is a classic example of a covert contract. You did something, gave up quite a lot, and expected something in return. Did you ever mention that to anyone? What were you expecting? If the other party to your contract isn't even aware of it, how can they be expected to act on their side of this unstated contract? These kinds of things should be talked about, ahead of time, otherwise you can't expect anything in return.

Was I taught wrongly and this is actually a positive role model?

Yeah, probably. It's good to be assertive.

That sacrifice is bad for unworthy causes doesn't mean it's not worth it for worthy causes! This is orthogonal to 'being a dick vs being nice' - telling someone how their work is shit when it is shit benefits them, and 'not being disrespectful' by saying nothing harms them, on a large scale, because they can understand where they fucked up. But that has nothing to do with 'self-centeredness'!

Perhaps you need to be more assertive and stand up for yourself more. People respect that. You may have an incorrect view of what an ‘asshole’ acts like.

There seem to be several areas to work on here. One is making good decisions. Another is having an attractive personality. Then there is leadership. Finally understanding social cues and dynamics.

The bad news is I think you already know there isn't one silver bullet that can change all these aspects. And if it were, it certainly wouldn't be to be "more evil and self-centered". The good news is you want to improve. Depending on what your life goals are, perhaps start by reading well-reviewed biographies of people whom you admire and want to become.

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