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Friday Fun Thread for April 18, 2025

Be advised: this thread is not for serious in-depth discussion of weighty topics (we have a link for that), this thread is not for anything Culture War related. This thread is for Fun. You got jokes? Share 'em. You got silly questions? Ask 'em.

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Imagine you’re on a flight where somebody tried to smuggle murder hornets and they got loose. Only three people were immune and survived: you, and a basement dweller who spent thousands of hours in MS Flight Simulator including the plane model you’re on, and a real fighter pilot who has never flown a commercial plane ever.

I find it very suspicious that two thirds of the people who just randomly happen to be immune to the murder hornets are both somewhat experienced with planes. The likeliest scenario is that they are both part of an operation to steal that plane.

Of course, given that, I have to wonder about myself. Did I survive because I was also part of the plot? The two others seem to have covered landing the plane at its new destination, so what exactly was my part in all of this? Did I bring the hornets on board? So many died. Why did I do this?

The best way to redeem myself is to make sure that their bloody operation will not succeed. My biggest asset for that is that my two co-conspirators are still believing I am on their side. At the moment we are still over the middle of the ocean, and both of them just went into the cockpit to set a coarse for Havana or Mogadishu or whatever.

I think about sabotaging the emergency oxygen system and then blowing out a door. I find a connected oxygen cylinder, but then I begin to wonder. What if the cockpit has a separate, redundant life support system? Ambient pressure at commercial plane flight levels is low, but not zero. And the cabin pressure is also not sea level. Also, they closed the cockpit door again, so I can't really count on explosive decompression to take them out. And probably whoever had to design the doors had the secondary objective of making sure that they are not easily opened while there is a pressure differential. Or I would just get blown out of the door without taking both of the other conspirators out. And if anyone can hang on to consciousness in hypox.. anox.. in low oxygen conditions while their plane does a free-fall descent of a few kilometers, then it is probably a fighter pilot.

I look at the painful stings all over my hands. At least I can't see my face, but my left eye it totally swollen. The antidote kept me alive, not comfortable. I wonder about what hellish species that is which can take out a hundred people in minutes. Some were only stung once or twice. Should stings lead to anaphylaxis and death with such certainty? Are they GMO and producing botox or something?

What happens with the hornets after the plane is landed? Am I looking at some Alien scenario? They are likely not an x-risk, but the span between erasing some 500 QALYs and x-risk is pretty large. How do hornets even reproduce? Probably nests with a large number with individuals, so they have a queen?

Nah, the tail end is simply too dreadful, new priority one is to make sure that none of these bloody beasts escape.

I consider my options. While cabin pressure is maintained, the hornets are trapped in here with me. If the plane lands without damaging the hull too much, I can tell radio the authorities and tell them to build a tent around the plane and fill it with some insecticide. Still hinges on me taking over the plane and making a non-catastrophic landing.

The safest way to destroy the hornets would probably be a controlled watering at Point Nemo -- where we put our space junk and dread Cthulhu lies. Even if there is a hull breach during impact, the hornets are probably not able to fly hundreds of kilometers over the sea. Unfortunately, we are nowhere near it. Landing in some smaller pond will kill the hornets only if the plane remains sealed until it sinks. The other obvious choice is rapid deceleration followed by a fuel explosion. What are the odds of the tail part breaking off and not being caught in the fireball? How reliable is the acceleration to kill these big ass hornets?

Anyhow, this brings me back to having to disable the other conspirators to take over the plane. The bigger danger by far is the fighter pilot. He may not have a ton of training in close quarter combat, but he is a lot fitter than I am. The basement dweller is closer to a fair fight -- not that I plan on giving him one.

That oxygen cylinder I found will have to serve as a blunt weapon. And it's contents could help me prepare a distraction. The third corpse in first class I check smells like a smoker, and indeed he has a lighter in his pockets, as well as a pack of cigarettes with a label "SMOKING KILLS", not that he has to worry about that now. Just as I have picked the ideal location for my little fire, I notice that one of the passengers does not have the swollen face of the others. Yes, she is not moving as the hornets crawl on her, but she is very faintly breathing. Shit, what now?