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Culture War Roundup for the week of February 3, 2025

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I've been loosely keeping an eye on this, as there's something inherently hilarious about grown men malding and melting down over a stranger wearing different laundry to put an inflated orange ball through a metal rim, impotently posting screenshots of canceled season tickets, and/or declaring that they will now switch to be a fan of team [X] instead of the Mavericks like a twelve-year-old girl. /r/Mavericks is/was looking like /r/GuyCry.

Another theory is that Luka is a raging alcoholic, hence the increased bloating and fatness over the years despite the calorie-burning of a professional athlete, and the Mavericks have had enough. Supposedly there's a video floating around of former-Mav Michael Finley snatching a beer out of Luka's hand, but there are also counterclaims that The Snatch was for NBA sponsorship reasons and the beer was later returned to Luka in an unlabeled cup.

I saw a funny comment in a sports subreddit to the paraphrased tune of "Alcoholic? I don't care if Luka is a heroin addict. You let him find a vein at halftime, keep an eye on him to make sure he doesn't die, and wait for the offseason to try and get him clean."

And I suppose in any case, even if Luka is a raging alcoholic, heroin and Overwatch addict, and Diddy and Drake party enjoyer, you can get a better haul for him than Anthony Davis, a first round pick, and some random NBA redshirt. Or at least try to, instead of adding to the Laker plot armor with what appears to be, at least for now, a generational gift.

This trade doesn't help the conspiracy theory angle in a sports league that's seen the Knicks alleged frozen envelope, Jordan's first retirement, that Lakers-Kings Game 6, Durant's "Save" (which may have been the worst no-call in NBA history if Harden hadn't deviated from the script). The whole Tim Donaghy thing certainly doesn't help either.

Yeah, I saw speculation on Cracked that Michael Jordan's brief stint in baseball was a secret suspension caused by his gambling problem, which was so severe that it led to his father getting murdered.