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Notes -
Kudos on the self-awareness. What you're saying sounds pretty closely related to some discussions we've had on /r/theschism about visceral threat responses. I feel like responses of this type are a pretty crucial part of how a lot of Culture War fights get so hot.
Children and child-rearing can be pretty hot subjects even before you get trans issues involved. I've seen so many horrifying comment sections on parenting forums on what you would think would be minor topics that people could agree to disagree on: breastfeeding, sleep training, etc. Obviously the parents of babies are all pretty sleep deprived, so that doesn't help, but even so it's pretty incredible how worked up people get.
Most of my own hot button issues are feminism-related, whether it's about social acceptance for female ambition or social norms around turning down sexual advances. Being able to take a step backwards and say "I am having a threat response right now" can make a big difference in enduring tricky conversations, but I shouldn't get too overconfident about that. You never know when you'll let your guard down just as it's about to hit you right in the face.
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