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Lazuli  5d ago (text post)   269 thread views

NFL Weekly Thread: Week 18

Let's chat about the National Football League. This week's schedule, all times Eastern, is the final week of the regular season.

The next post will be a single, post-season thread that'll include discussions about the playoffs and the Super Bowl.

Sun 2025-01-05 1:00PM Buffalo Bills @ New England Patriots
Sun 2025-01-05 1:00PM Carolina Panthers @ Atlanta Falcons
Sun 2025-01-05 1:00PM Chicago Bears @ Green Bay Packers
Sun 2025-01-05 1:00PM Cincinnati Bengals @ Pittsburgh Steelers
Sun 2025-01-05 1:00PM Cleveland Browns @ Baltimore Ravens
Sun 2025-01-05 1:00PM Houston Texans @ Tennessee Titans
Sun 2025-01-05 1:00PM Jacksonville Jaguars @ Indianapolis Colts
Sun 2025-01-05 1:00PM Kansas City Chiefs @ Denver Broncos
Sun 2025-01-05 1:00PM Miami Dolphins @ New York Jets
Sun 2025-01-05 1:00PM Minnesota Vikings @ Detroit Lions
Sun 2025-01-05 1:00PM New Orleans Saints @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Sun 2025-01-05 1:00PM New York Giants @ Philadelphia Eagles
Sun 2025-01-05 1:00PM Los Angeles Chargers @ Las Vegas Raiders
Sun 2025-01-05 1:00PM Seattle Seahawks @ Los Angeles Rams
Sun 2025-01-05 1:00PM San Francisco 49ers @ Arizona Cardinals
Sun 2025-01-05 1:00PM Washington Commanders @ Dallas Cowboys
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It’s Super Bowl LIX and the Lions are up 20-13 with half a minute left in the 4th against the Chiefs, who squeezed by the AFC championship game via a gritty 9-7 victory over the Bills. Allen exited the game midway through the 1st after an injury from running over two Chiefs defenders on his way into the end zone.

The Chiefs have the ball, 3rd and 10 on the Lions 20-yard line after a long drive. Goff, with two passing TDs, looks on pensively from the sideline.

The Lions defense punctures the Chiefs o-line and sacks Mahomes for a 15-yard loss. It’s now 4th and 25 from the Lions 35. Chiefs call their final timeout to stop the clock. Upon return to play, the Lions defense breaks through the Chiefs o-line again; this time Mahomes escapes out wide, but has nowhere to go. Lions defenders let-up as Mahomes fakes like he's about to head out of bounds around the line of scrimmage, but Patrick suddenly sprints forward for seven more yards before a Lions player pushes him out of bounds. Lions win their first Super Bowl!

Wait, there’s a flag on the ground. Unnecessary roughness on the Lions for the push, half the distance to the goal and automatic first down. Chiefs get set-up at the Lions 14. Miscommunication for the Chiefs as both Hunt and Pacheco line-up in the backfield, resulting in twelve men on the field. Lions players are furiously gesturing and pointing. A flag finally appears on the field. Neutral zone infraction: one of the Lions was deemed to have crossed the neutral zone as he pointed.

Ball is snapped at the Lions nine. Protection holds steady this time. Two members of the Lions secondary run into each other and fall down in the end zone as time expires. Mahomes to Kelce, touchdown! Camera cuts to Taylor Swift and Brittany Mahomes in their luxury suite clapping but still looking worried. Chiefs special teams come out for the extra point. Butker backs-up for the kick to tie the game; the snap is fumbled, but amidst the chaos Harrison manages to pick up the ball and run it into the end zone for two. Chiefs win to complete the threepeat! Butker finishes with two field goals and an extra point in addition to the two-point conversion. Camera pans over to Taylor and Brittany hugging, screaming, and briefly making out.

Chiefs are celebrating while Tay-Tay makes her way down to the field to greet Kelce. Travis gets down on one knee and proposes as the Chiefs encircle them, yelling and jumping up and down. Super Bowl MVP Harrison Butker gives a speech, in which he describes and reaffirms his support for traditional Catholic values, Catholicism staying LGBTQ+ free, women being homemakers, and Donald Trump. The world ends as the collective seethe from /r/nfl, /r/fauxmoi, and /r/travisandtaylor/ blasts a hole through the fabric of the universe.

There's one crucial inaccuracy in your hypothetical. If Allen leaves the game midway through the first there's no way the Chiefs are only scoring 9 points after three quarters of Mitch Trubisky.

You can't do this to me on new years eve

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