Do you have a dumb question that you're kind of embarrassed to ask in the main thread? Is there something you're just not sure about?
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Notes -
What is a meetup exactly?
But whenever you have a hang up with someone ask yourself why. Often the answer is pride, so the follow-up question is - what is more important, getting the thing done or getting it done your way?
I suppose it comes down to dependency vs self sufficiency.
It's kind of demeaning, per OP's examples, to have friends set up dates and jobs for you or resorting to open invitation public events to meet people. I won't argue that it can't be effective but there's something about the means tainting the ends. Do you deserve that job, or are you a charity case who couldn't do it on his own merit?
And with some extension the ends in turn taint the means; are you friends because you like that person, and are you at this event because it's interesting in itself, or is it because you had an ulterior need that you're using them to achieve.
The mature attitude is probably to recognise that it's an amount of both and that it's not that important in the end. But the ego likes things simple and binary, and there's a degree of maturity in accepting that the ego doesn't disappear just because we can recognise when it's irrational.
I mean this is a personal question that OP needs to answer, come to terms with the answer, and then act accordingly.
Both options are fine as long as the outcome isn't paramount, but if the plan is somewhat ego dystonic you get this angst.
Interesting. So the tension between seeing yourself one way while seeing yourself acting in a contrary way... Is it possible to integrate that in a decoupled manner or must it be a case of altering one of the aspects to produce a more stable sense of alignment? Is there any refuge in the irrational via humour and laughing at one's own absurdity?
I mean there's an entire type of therapy focused around the idea of managing seemingly opposite impulses, but nothing so fancy need be used here, I just think there's an element of "what do you actually want here" that needs to be assessed first.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dialectical_behavior_therapy
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