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PaperclipPerfector  2mo ago (text post)   1152 thread views

Wellness Wednesday for September 11, 2024

The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:

  • Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.

  • Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.

  • Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.

  • Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).

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Advice from a dad of 3 for where you are right now:

  1. Don't tell family and friends until you get a heartbeat. Miscarriages are surprisingly common before that point.
  2. Strongly consider getting a doula. She'll be your support and counselor even when all the hospital staff are out taking care of other patients. My sister-in-law's doula resuscitated her daughter when she stopped breathing and the nurses were all out of the room. Our doula had us lay out a birth plan covering how we wanted to handle various contingencies; not having to think about all the little (and big) decisions while actively giving birth was really nice. It's also reassuring to turn to someone you trust and ask "is this normal?", without the feeling like they're answering how hospital policy and insurance require them to answer. Lastly, while I'm usually pretty good with words, for our first kid I said the absolutely stupidest things trying to support my wife during labor; my doula was able to calm my wife and give me hints to shut the fuck up for a while.
  3. My wife found a moms' club that was great to be part of. They set up a "meal train" to cook/deliver food through the first 2 weeks after the birth, which was nice. It also helped with play dates for babies, adult socialization, getting ideas for gadgets, etc. We started using a bottle warmer machine but seeing someone else just microwave it and stir it thoroughly was one of those "duh, why didn't we think of that" moments. And we got to try a friend's expensive bouncer instead of the cheap one we'd started with.
  4. We put all our kids to sleep on their backs as recommended by the professionals. Here's a long thread to consider: https://x.com/ruthgracewong/status/1818895404542627881. If I could do it all over again, I'd probably try to convince my wife to put our kids on their bellies, which they clearly preferred.

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