The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
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Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.
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Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.
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Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).
Jump in the discussion.
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I've been reading this site for a while, mostly the Wellness Wednesday threads and some CW posts. Decided to join and ask a question. How do you deal with worrying your girlfriend might leave you for someone else? I'm average-looking and not super charismatic. Based in Italy, if that's relevant.
First, watch this video: https://youtube.com/watch?v=HUzAukj2jMQ&t=15s Small channel but excellent, very well researched truth seeking etc. Watch it, especially if you buy into negative red pill narratives about women.
What comes next is regurgitation from what I learned from this channel, again he makes sure he uses the most up to date and replicated studies.
Thinking that your average looks and non-super charisma increases your chance of getting cheated or left is insecurity, and is its own thing. This is statistically wrong belief. These things don't raise the chance of your partner cheating on you or leaving you. On that point, since you're a Motte user, you probably like numbers and statistics. While numbers and statistics can't fix you, I find they help realize underlying issues.
On to the facts:
Men cheat more, and for different reasons than women. The most common reason to cheat for men is that they are horny. The most common reason for woman to cheat is that they are unhappy in their relationships.
I'm not going to dig up the exact numbers here, so just trust me or look them up yourself.
If a woman; is content in your sexual or romantic relationship, does not have a mental disorder like bipolar, is college educated and has a secure attachment style, She will not cheat It's just a vanishingly small chance. Men are the fallen creatures who bang people just because they see the opportunity.
If not everything here applies, you either should be happy if she leaves you, or you should work on improving those aspects of your relationship.
Leaving you for someone else is essentially cheating, but first ending the relationship. So I think most of the same applies.
The numbers are really on men's side when it comes to this. As long as you are a good boyfriend, you're golden.
Of course, that's just numbers. The numbers on getting over being anxious about your girlfriend leaving you are much worse. My best advice from myself and friends: Don't burden your girlfriend with it by not being honest with yourself and with her. Talk to her about it while framing it as the pernicious disease it is, and not something lacking in her, which is what she will interpret it as. Never ever delude yourself into thinking your fears are legitimate. Unless, you know, she's hanging around more with her best male friend than with you or something like that.
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