The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
-
Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
-
Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.
-
Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.
-
Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
Notes -
You are probably making way more of this than what it really is.
How the fuck do you know it's terrible, you've had sex five times in your life.
You have no idea how incompetent the average man is, and you have no idea what kind of experiences she's had before. You might be average for her right now!
There's a million things to be said about romance, setting the mood, foreplay, teasing, edging, games, rope, a well placed hand around the throat, a well timed slap, role playing, group sex, positions both normal and wild, surprises, blindfolds, dirty talk.
But, before you worry about any of that, back to the fundamentals: are you touching her clitoris? And are you asking her if that's how she likes to have her clitoris touched?
There's no shame to be had in such a question, it no more reveals your ignorance than asking what the controls are when playing a new game. Individual women are different, wildly different. One needs intense stimulation, another gentle and slow, a third wants it bitten. One wants it fast and hard, another gentle, a third will only cum if you act like you hate her. Men are mostly pretty much the same, the penis doesn't have a lot of variation in its uses or its needs. Women vary. Knowledgable women know they vary, and thus have experience in guiding new partners.
Don't be afraid to need guidance on this from her, if she has enough experience to know you don't know what you're doing than she's run into this before; if she doesn't have enough experience to know you suck than it doesn't matter anyway. Any shame on this topic is coming entirely from within your own head, fake it until you make it. "Do you like that?" or "Does that feel good?" can easily be the building blocks of good dirty talk anyway. It's all in the framing. Make it seem like something hot you're doing and it will be something hot you're doing.
Start there: figure out how she likes to have her clit played with, play with it. Don't start worrying about anything more complex or involved or acrobatic until you've figure out the combination to that particular safe. Everything else will start falling into place after that: go down on her as foreplay, get an orgasm on the scoreboard, and suddenly PiV won't feel like it needs to be the main event of the evening, you'll be able to enjoy that for yourself rather than trying to please her. Take the pressure off your penis, and you'll often find you get and stay harder lasting longer, having more fun. Start to get a few good games on your record and you'll get braver, more confident, and you'll get better. Get better and you'll feel more confident swapping fantasies, pleasures, desires, and you'll learn more about your lover and try more, and get better, and so on and so forth ad infinitum.
More options
Context Copy link