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Notes -
Thanks for the response, the way you explained it makes a lot of sense to me.
In the triggering situations I almost always find what I believe is strong evidence of the other person being unkind or untruthful. I realize that they will never value me like they value the other relationships in their life. My model of them suggests they view me as a “them”, and there is nothing I can do to change this.
In many situations I just accept this and move on to doing other things, but sometimes the trigger is very strong and I start going down the path of dark/anti-social thoughts. It is like I find the triggering situations are a significant injustice and therefore I’m allowed break social norms in order to make things right.
The problem is I don’t want to go down the path of dark/anti-social thoughts. Even if I can find some unorthodox solution to the injustice it is almost always a case of winning a battle, but losing the war. The dark/anti-social thoughts also start bleeding over to other situations where they don’t apply.
In that case, I recommend checking this chart (PDF link) to see how many codependent characteristics you currently have. You should know that this was made for a vaguely theistic 12-step recovery group designed by and for neurotypical people.
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