farhakhalidi.substack.com
It's an essay about the various flaws modern feminist sex positivity culture has for women, and that it's often a good idea to refrain from sex even if one isn't religious. The author is an Only Fans model for context. I thought it did a great job laying out the downsides of ubiquitous sex.(Reposted because I accidentally linked to reddit instead of the original essay earlier).
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Oh, that's too far. There are annoying people like that but they're oversold. I don't think the average person thinks men should literally do nothing. The people telling you to "just be yourself" are taking it for granted that you are doing other things (like maintaining a social life).
I mean that the banal advice people give that you always hear complaints about are usually just assuming that people possess the same amount of socialization and enough agency to work their way through it like they did. People for whom it doesn't work naturally get frustrated, but that doesn't make it wrong or, as more neurotic and paranoid sides of the internet claim, some sort of plot or acceptable lie like telling kids about Santa Claus. To use one example from this sub: this is not bad advice, even if someone is not well-adjusted enough to take it.
The little advice I got from my parents wasn't bad, even though they came from a totally different society. They assumed it'd work out. And, had I been a different person, it absolutely would have.
That reminds me of some useless (for me) advice I've read online, where people say that, to socialize more, you should start accepting any social invitations you get. I and many other people already do that. The hard part is getting the invitations in the first place.
For a certain type of person this is indeed good advice though. I definitely know people who are struggling to meet anyone for dating but don’t see how rejecting any social interaction has any relation to this.
Also social interaction is a snowballing thing. When you first enter a new social network (university, work, potential new friend group, sports team etc) saying yes to that one invitation early on can mean hundreds of invitations down the line. Conditioning someone to always say yes so they don’t miss out on that freshman’s party where multiple friend groups formed is quite useful
It might have been good advice for OP, if they'd gotten it at a different time.
Using your example, much more useful if you're headed into your first year of college compared to when you're 25-35 or whatever.
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