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PaperclipPerfector  6mo ago (text post)   3238 thread views

Friday Fun Thread for May 17, 2024

Be advised: this thread is not for serious in-depth discussion of weighty topics (we have a link for that), this thread is not for anything Culture War related. This thread is for Fun. You got jokes? Share 'em. You got silly questions? Ask 'em.

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On one hand, the leverage your close family and personal connections you have with this young woman is a little disconcerting. On the other hand, you're hitting it off and you seem to both like each other.

Please don't assume that she's going to be forced into a marriage with me against her wishes. At most, my dad could ask her dad if he'd be okay with it, and have it taken seriously, including being presented to her for her consideration. But if she said no, I'm confident they'd respect her wishes.

I'm hardly a bad catch, and we evidently saw something in each other when we matched, so I have no idea how she'd react. I just don't consider myself remotely ready.

I applaud your ability to make an LDR work, but I sincerely doubt they're for me. As it stands, I'm giving myself like 3 to 5 years to find someone on my own terms before I feel tempted to lean back on such options.

Sorry, I never meant to insinuate that you'd considering you flex your familial connections to force someone into a decision (I'll admit I'm not too familiar with arranged marriages). I'm glad it sounds everyone would have a level head about the whole situation.

I understand your fear of marriage, especially one with so little time to figure out if you really have a connection and are worried about the feasibility of a relationship working over long distance. Are you worried that you'll find greener grass? Or is it your internal monologue when you see women?

I guess the question I would have is, what the hell are you waiting for, and what are you afraid of missing?

The hardest part is, given your situation, that chances are one of you will have to give up or compromise your career for the other to some extent. That will be one of those things that can be very difficult for couples to navigate, but it's doable if both people are willing to work for each other instead of their onw goals and is an inevitable part of almost every relationship.

I understand your fear of marriage, especially one with so little time to figure out if you really have a connection and are worried about the feasibility of a relationship working over long distance.

I'm not afraid of marriage. I easily see myself happily married, but after a modest number of years, spent mostly in unchecked hedonism. If, in the middle, I did find another person I could genuinely see myself settling down with, I'd have few qualms about cutting that phase of my life short.

Are you worried that you'll find greener grass? Or is it your internal monologue when you see women?

I'd prefer grass that's just on my side of a very wide field really. It makes mowing the lawn significantly easier, all the myriad acts of love and general maintenance that makes a relationship work are eased through proximity. I can't go so far as to say that LDRs are impossible, I know plenty of existence proofs out there, not just you, but I expect them to fail far more often than not, when the number of years till you see each other again on a regular basis can be as many as 4 or more.

From a more practical perspective, I'd prefer to marry a woman who's already settled into her career and supplementing our income.

The hardest part is, given your situation, that chances are one of you will have to give up or compromise your career for the other to some extent. That will be one of those things that can be very difficult for couples to navigate, but it's doable if both people are willing to work for each other instead of their onw goals and is an inevitable part of almost every relationship.

I've done that before, to my detriment, and it was wasted in the end, both the time and the money.

I'm in the UK for a minimum of 3 years. I could see 5 being ideal, since that's how long it would take to get Indefinite Leave to Remain. 6? Then I'd be a full consultant by UK standards (a mere 3 is enough for the majority of the globe), and that's also how long it would take for full citizenship.

After that? I'm going where the money and the lifestyle is. If avenues closed to me right now open up, it could well be the US, or maybe Australia. If they remain shut, I'll likely make a great deal more money in the Middle East, not that I want to live there for anything but the money.

I'm not entirely averse to settling down in the UK, especially with a partner who makes a comparable sum, but it's plan B for now. Maybe even C.

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