site banner
PaperclipPerfector  6mo ago (text post)   3238 thread views

Friday Fun Thread for May 17, 2024

Be advised: this thread is not for serious in-depth discussion of weighty topics (we have a link for that), this thread is not for anything Culture War related. This thread is for Fun. You got jokes? Share 'em. You got silly questions? Ask 'em.

6
Top Bottom Old Controversial Comments
Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

On one hand, the leverage your close family and personal connections you have with this young woman is a little disconcerting. On the other hand, you're hitting it off and you seem to both like each other.

I understand your worry and considerations, but long distance is doable if you are both looking for a long term relationship. My fiancée and I did long distance for a long time (over 5 years!) before I got myself in order and moved to be closer to her. I regret nothing, and we remained committed to each other for the entire time even if we couldn't see each other more than once every few months.

Now, this forum would probably press the statistical improbability of this being successful, but I laugh at the face of statistics. Be the outliar!

Life is short, go for it!

On one hand, the leverage your close family and personal connections you have with this young woman is a little disconcerting. On the other hand, you're hitting it off and you seem to both like each other.

Please don't assume that she's going to be forced into a marriage with me against her wishes. At most, my dad could ask her dad if he'd be okay with it, and have it taken seriously, including being presented to her for her consideration. But if she said no, I'm confident they'd respect her wishes.

I'm hardly a bad catch, and we evidently saw something in each other when we matched, so I have no idea how she'd react. I just don't consider myself remotely ready.

I applaud your ability to make an LDR work, but I sincerely doubt they're for me. As it stands, I'm giving myself like 3 to 5 years to find someone on my own terms before I feel tempted to lean back on such options.

Sorry, I never meant to insinuate that you'd considering you flex your familial connections to force someone into a decision (I'll admit I'm not too familiar with arranged marriages). I'm glad it sounds everyone would have a level head about the whole situation.

I understand your fear of marriage, especially one with so little time to figure out if you really have a connection and are worried about the feasibility of a relationship working over long distance. Are you worried that you'll find greener grass? Or is it your internal monologue when you see women?

I guess the question I would have is, what the hell are you waiting for, and what are you afraid of missing?

The hardest part is, given your situation, that chances are one of you will have to give up or compromise your career for the other to some extent. That will be one of those things that can be very difficult for couples to navigate, but it's doable if both people are willing to work for each other instead of their onw goals and is an inevitable part of almost every relationship.

I understand your fear of marriage, especially one with so little time to figure out if you really have a connection and are worried about the feasibility of a relationship working over long distance.

I'm not afraid of marriage. I easily see myself happily married, but after a modest number of years, spent mostly in unchecked hedonism. If, in the middle, I did find another person I could genuinely see myself settling down with, I'd have few qualms about cutting that phase of my life short.

Are you worried that you'll find greener grass? Or is it your internal monologue when you see women?

I'd prefer grass that's just on my side of a very wide field really. It makes mowing the lawn significantly easier, all the myriad acts of love and general maintenance that makes a relationship work are eased through proximity. I can't go so far as to say that LDRs are impossible, I know plenty of existence proofs out there, not just you, but I expect them to fail far more often than not, when the number of years till you see each other again on a regular basis can be as many as 4 or more.

From a more practical perspective, I'd prefer to marry a woman who's already settled into her career and supplementing our income.

The hardest part is, given your situation, that chances are one of you will have to give up or compromise your career for the other to some extent. That will be one of those things that can be very difficult for couples to navigate, but it's doable if both people are willing to work for each other instead of their onw goals and is an inevitable part of almost every relationship.

I've done that before, to my detriment, and it was wasted in the end, both the time and the money.

I'm in the UK for a minimum of 3 years. I could see 5 being ideal, since that's how long it would take to get Indefinite Leave to Remain. 6? Then I'd be a full consultant by UK standards (a mere 3 is enough for the majority of the globe), and that's also how long it would take for full citizenship.

After that? I'm going where the money and the lifestyle is. If avenues closed to me right now open up, it could well be the US, or maybe Australia. If they remain shut, I'll likely make a great deal more money in the Middle East, not that I want to live there for anything but the money.

I'm not entirely averse to settling down in the UK, especially with a partner who makes a comparable sum, but it's plan B for now. Maybe even C.

What is this place?

This website is a place for people who want to move past shady thinking and test their ideas in a court of people who don't all share the same biases. Our goal is to optimize for light, not heat; this is a group effort, and all commentators are asked to do their part.

The weekly Culture War threads host the most controversial topics and are the most visible aspect of The Motte. However, many other topics are appropriate here. We encourage people to post anything related to science, politics, or philosophy; if in doubt, post!

Check out The Vault for an archive of old quality posts. You are encouraged to crosspost these elsewhere.


Why are you called The Motte?

A motte is a stone keep on a raised earthwork common in early medieval fortifications. More pertinently, it's an element in a rhetorical move called a "Motte-and-Bailey", originally identified by philosopher Nicholas Shackel. It describes the tendency in discourse for people to move from a controversial but high value claim to a defensible but less exciting one upon any resistance to the former. He likens this to the medieval fortification, where a desirable land (the bailey) is abandoned when in danger for the more easily defended motte. In Shackel's words, "The Motte represents the defensible but undesired propositions to which one retreats when hard pressed."

On The Motte, always attempt to remain inside your defensible territory, even if you are not being pressed.


New post guidelines

If you're posting something that isn't related to the culture war, we encourage you to post a thread for it. A submission statement is highly appreciated, but isn't necessary for text posts or links to largely-text posts such as blogs or news articles; if we're unsure of the value of your post, we might remove it until you add a submission statement. A submission statement is required for non-text sources (videos, podcasts, images).

Culture war posts go in the culture war thread; all links must either include a submission statement or significant commentary. Bare links without those will be removed.

If in doubt, please post it!


Rules


Recommended Posts And Communities

Recommended Realtime Chats