LetsAllSitDown
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User ID: 507
LetsAllSitDown
5d ago
My son didn't like sleeping on his back either, so we let him sleep on his tummy. That let him sleep for far longer stretches. We weren't too worried about him suffocating, because
- He's always been very assertive, strong, and active, and able to move his head
- We have an owlet smart sock on him that monitors his heart rate and oxygen saturation
LetsAllSitDown
5d ago
I would suggest you start by putting him down awake.
We already do this. If it's me doing it, he just screams; if she does it, it's mostly working now, as long as she stays beside him. But when he wakes in the night, he expects someone to be there.
LetsAllSitDown
5d ago
And are they all irreparably emotionally damaged?
LetsAllSitDown
5d ago
Oh hey, hope you enjoyed by blogpost
I did; I don't like what it says about my future though. My wife was fairly on-board with "strict but chill" before the birth; I hope at some point she'll get there again.
LetsAllSitDown
8d ago
Right, so how did you navigate this? Sending her links to fancy-looking blogs doesn't seem to be working for me.
In general, I've been trying to get the message across that parenting has been becoming way more time and money intensive than it used to be, with no better results. I'm the youngest of a very large poor-ish family, that is to say, my level of received parental investment was not super high, and I turned out fine. Meanwhile it appears Gen Z and Alpha have very little resilience.
He doesn't need so many toys. He'll be fine with 2nd-hand clothes. Don't be so worried about leaving him with other people for a few hours.
She wants a 2nd child, but I refuse if it's going to be this circus again.
LetsAllSitDown
8d ago
6.5 month-old baby is not sleeping well. He wakes up frequently, wants his mother.
For the first few months, almost all his sleep was either co-sleeping (common in Europe, but it never felt safe to me), or in the presence of an awake parent (holding, carrier, stroller, car). For a while, we had some success putting him down after he fell asleep and him staying asleep for a few hours, but it would often take a long time to get him into a deep-enough sleep that he would staying sleeping upon being put down.
I eventually strongly suggested sleep training. I read stuff online, Emily Oster and others, and figured we should give the Ferber method a try.
My wife didn't like it; I found it difficult too, and actually I caved on night 3, even though it was kind of working at other times. But I regret caving and think we should have continued.
But our state-issued parenting advisor recommended a gentler method which I can't see working; it rewards his crying with attention; lo and behold, he cries every time he wakes up alone.
Now my wife and I are at odds; It's been 2 weeks of this with little-to-no improvement. She is getting less sleep than I am.
3 older women in my life whose opinions I respect (mother, aunt, landlady) all say we just need to do sleep training properly and stick to it.
The modern Zeitgeist says that sleep training is cruel, even if the studies don't. My wife's friends and family are on her side too. My wife was worrying that the 3 nights we did of Ferber method have ruined our son completely (on all 3 days after he was in a great mood all day...).
LetsAllSitDown
25d ago
Thanks, I don't beat myself up too much; I just want to get slimmer.
LetsAllSitDown
26d ago
The solution for me was, believe it or not, to eat less.
Yeah that's what I'm trying to do at the moment. I've never been a very conscientious person though, and this is a major weakness. It just takes up so much daily bandwidth. Some asshole has just brought in a packet of gummibears to work, and plonked them on a shelf right next to my desk. I feel like semaglutide might help me to ignore them.
LetsAllSitDown
29d ago
I was very physically active until my son was born 6 months ago. But fullness and satiety have been decoupled for me for as long as I can remember. My stomach feels quite full quite quickly, but I still feel strong cravings.
LetsAllSitDown
29d ago
I spent ages 9-24 obese (100kg). I got down to 73kg, but since 2021 have slowly been gaining weight. I came back from Christmas holidays at 90kg. Every day is a struggle. I would not say I have things under control.
LetsAllSitDown
29d ago
I wouldn't say I'm from there, but I live there, yes.
LetsAllSitDown
30d ago
I think it does have strict norms, and certainly my BMI wouldn't qualify.
just decrease portions
Basically what happens is, we go shopping, we buy some stuff, I buy some stuff, my wife buys some stuff. I do most of the cooking, and I remember the use-by dates of most of the food. Leftovers go into the fridge. I prioritise what I eat by what needs to go; she prioritises what she eats by what she feels like. I'm often finishing off food she bought but doesn't feel like eating; or leftovers that she swears she liked but apparently doesn't feel like eating again.
Perhaps it would be sensible to only buy enough food for the one meal, rather than having leftovers. Not sure what I would take to work for lunch though.
LetsAllSitDown
1mo ago
Have you tried replacing sugary food with food with artificial sweeteners
Yes, I now have a Coke Zero addiction. Sugar-free chocolate is available, but still fairly high-calorie. I don't have any really unhealthy foods available at home; there my main problem is that I just keep eating. 2nd portions, a bit more rice, whatever is available. I also grew up with very strong morals around food waste. My wife is happy to let stuff go to waste, so I'm left finishing a lot of soon-to-expire things by myself.
I've read about how Semaglutide reduces "food noise". Really, that would be heaven. I think about food way too much, and to turn off those constant cravings would be a boon.
LetsAllSitDown
1mo ago
I'm considering whether to try semaglutide. I live in Switzerland; I'm sure I won't get a prescription. However, a relative who takes it is visiting and can get me some. I'm hoping for Rybelsus; the pill form.
I've struggled with eating since I was about 9. The culture at home when it came to food was not great; I would describe it as somewhat competitive, kind of seeing who could eat the most the fastest. When I was 24 I finally managed to lose weight, but in the last few years it's been getting up a bit. BMI is now 25.5, not terrible, but definitely affecting my daily life. I always crave food, usually sweet food, and find myself snacking constantly if my willpower is down. I used to be able to keep somewhat of a lid on it by doing a lot of hiking uphill, but since the birth of my son I get almost no exercise.
I've never had any adverse reactions to medication before. Should I go for it?
LetsAllSitDown
1yr ago
Yes. It can be a bit of a cacophony if you're equidistant from 3 mosques.
LetsAllSitDown
1yr ago
Al-Sudani, no idea really, I think the common people basically think that non-corrupt people are driven out of politics pretty quickly, so if you're high up in politics, you're very corrupt.
Al-Sadr, I didn't really talk to anybody about him except for my wife. She's mostly negative, but also has mixed feelings, especially because he urged his supporters to join the protests a few years ago. It's not just posters though. You can see pictures of Al-Sadr on the back of taxis or tuk-tuks. It's clear he still has a lot of popular support.
Actually, a note I forgot to add about corruption:
- My wife's sister's husband works in the foreign ministry, and until recently he had some money-controlling responsibilities. He gave those up because he was being threatened due to not accepting some bribes.
- My MIL and SIL have a dental clinic together, and occasionally customers refuse to pay as they're members of some militia or organised crime syndicate. There's not much that can be done about that.
LetsAllSitDown
1yr ago
We live up the hill from the church in our village, putting its bell tower at window level for us, and are regularly woken up by its pealing. It goes on for too long at (seemingly) random times. Hourly chiming in a mountain village is fine, but daily life with loud bells isn't all that fun.
We had terrible sleeping habits in Baghdad, but the Adhan didn't wake us up. I'm not sure how I'd feel about it long-term.
LetsAllSitDown
1yr ago
I just got back from visiting Iraq, and thought I'd share my thoughts. My wife is Iraqi, so visiting family was our main reason for going.
- My wife's sister had visited us the week before in Switzerland with her boss (let's call him "Haji") and his daughter. Haji is a real estate mogul in Baghdad. He sent one of his henchmen to meet us at the gate in Baghdad airport (yes, he went backwards through luggage claim and passport control), so that the border police wouldn't ask annoying questions about my wife being married to a potential non-muslim. We cut through the queue, he rang some higher-up, all was well. He dropped us off at the airport later as well. Again, jumping to the front of queues, talking to the guy there, talking on the phone, no problems. It was quite embarrassing.
Government and Politics:
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When my wife was around 10 years old, her family home was appropriated by Saddam Hussein's cousin. After the fall of Saddam, some newly-rich Shia groups moved in. We tried to go see her childhood home, but the neighbourhood entrances were guarded by guys with guns. Apparently you need to live there or be visiting someone in order to be allowed in. Bear in mind this blocking of streets by armed thugs is not government-sanctioned. This district is now just a Shia faction stronghold and they'll do what they like.
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There were other differences between this district and others. A lot of billboards had a picture of Soleimani, usually with the words "We will not forget the blood of our martyrs". There are a lot of posters of Iranian Supreme Leader Khamenei. I knew that the Iranian influence here was strong, but for it to be that brazen was surprising to me. There were also many pictures of Muqtada Al-Sadr, with him looking angry in each one. He's an interesting character. Another place where the Shia/Iran influence is noticeably strong is in Karbala, a holy Shia city Southwest of Baghdad.
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There were some pretty big protests a couple of years ago, and people seem to think that this scared the government enough to start investing in infrastructure and allowing some liberalisation.
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The day before we flew out, the Americans carried out another drone strike on a militia leader. My wife heard the explosion from the vehicle she was in, but was still fairly far away. We were mildly worried about my European-looking face as we went to the airport, but all good.
Baghdad City:
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Traffic lights mostly don't exist, or if they do, they usually don't work, and if they do work, they are generally ignored. At some busy intersections,a traffic cop stands and directs traffic, and his directions are mostly heeded.
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Cutting into and across traffic is generally necessary, and the drivers trust each other to be aware enough. Compared to when I was in India, cars tend to not be covered in dents. People are generally not overly selfish.
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Cars are modded in myriad ways. One taxi I saw had a countdown timer on either side at the back, which would emit a bright series of flashes upon reaching 0. A scooter had flashing blue and red lights, surely outlawed in most developed countries.
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Armed men in uniform are all over the city. On many intersections, there is a pick-up with a machine gun mounted on top, and usually a guy standing behind it, with a bunch of other guys with big guns and big moustaches in uniform loitering around.
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Baghdad has footpaths, but they're not really usable. They're occupied by generators or vehicles. This means one generally has to walk on the street.
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Parking lots highlight how cheap labour is. One evening we drove the car to a parking lot which would normally accommodate around 30 cars. There were 2 employees working there. We received a piece of paper from them, and they parked the car in such a way that other cars were blocked in. By parking in this way, they could accommodate about 8 more cars. It all seemed very inefficient to me, but I guess they're cheap.
Food and Stores:
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We found a store in the mall called "Swiss Market". Given that I live in Switzerland, I thought I'd test its authenticity. They had all sorts of (non-alcoholic) German beers, standard softdrinks, but no Rivella. The only Swiss thing I found was Lindt. The store "American Candy" appeared to my untrained eye to fit the bill. "German Bazaar" seemed to mostly be Italian and Chinese brands. We didn't even bother with "Swedish Pharmacy". "English Home" didn't sound particularly appealing, but still more so than "Wankids". "Shopping Shop" I took at its word.
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Restaurants generally give enough free appetisers to fill one's stomach by themselves. We were already overfed and generally not hungry by the time we got to restaurants, so after we ordered a main, we ended up eating about a third of all the food that had been brought out.
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Fancy restaurants generally play Western music. One particularly expensive restaurant was playing a string version of Despacito when we arrived, and 10 minutes later I realised that once again Despacito was playing, this time with the oboe playing the melody. Classy stuff.
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The food is delicious, albeit a bit fatty.
People:
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For a population I assumed to be traumatised from the last decades of conflict, 3 things surprised me:
- A lot of fake gun toys for kids
- Valorisation of military
- Amount of fireworks on NYE
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People speaking English was rare. No taxi drivers we met could speak more than a few words, as far as we could tell.
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Botox seemed to be very common among mid-upper class women. Exaggerated fat lips and high cheekbones, which would not be popular in the West.
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My wife explained that most Iraqis do not have hobbies to the same extent as people in Europe. Going out and meeting for food is something they like to do.
Other:
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The 'Adan' (call to prayer) is less grating than the church bells of Europe.
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Leaving clear plastic wrapping on things is really common. Oftentimes the entire interior of a car will be plastic-wrapped like it came from the factory. Displays with bubbles all over the protective film. My sister-in-law's dental clinic had plastic all over the instruments. Here that would be considered tacky.
LetsAllSitDown
1yr ago
It definitely can be! Going bouldering with a mate is more talking than activity, because you need to rest between attempts. I do a lot of hiking (&flying), and when I go with a friend we're talking the whole way up. Joining a sports club generally means you'll grab a beer together afterwards, or drive there/back together.
LetsAllSitDown
1yr ago
Most middle manager jobs don't help in any realistic way
I think this is frequently overstated. A good manager really does coordinate and organise and make decisions about who is working on what, what the requirements are, and the technical workers and product suffer if that work is not done.
Most manual labor is yet to be robo-automated because human labor is cheap, not because we can't do it.
No, getting robots to do manual labour is super difficult. Sensing and accurately moving in the physical world is still well out of reach for many applications.
Most STEM trained practioners act more as highly-skilled monkeys who imitate what they are taught with perfect precision
Well, not quite, we actually solve problems, usually in the form of "how can I meet the requirements in the most efficient way possible". Sure, we're not usually breaking new innovative ground, but it's actually work, and it's not stupid. I write embedded software for controlling motors. These motor controllers are used in industrial applications all over the world, from robots to dentist drills.
That is the sense in which I say 90% jobs are stupid. Ie, given enough time, most average humans can be trained to do 90% of average jobs.
That's a stupid definition of stupid jobs.
LetsAllSitDown
1yr ago
Yes, and I don't really like it.
I'm a nerdy and sporty guy who has stereotypically male interests and hobbies. There aren't enough women with the same inclinations for all men like me to marry their best friend.
I gave up on finding a woman like that and "settled" for someone who is very feminine. We talk freely with each other, sometimes for hours, but she's not my best friend. The camaraderie I have with close guy friends is different. For my liking, she and I spend probably too much of our free time together. Partially that's because we moved to a new country and are having trouble making new friends, but also it's because she has largely absorbed the idea of marrying your best friend, and wants to do more activities together.
We don't have children yet, so I want to spend more of my weekends and spare time in the mountains with other men (no homo), and less in a crowded cafe. Not exclusively of course; sometimes it's nice to be in the city with her, and sometimes she'll come into the mountains with me, but it's not the same.
When we were still dating, she once said "I don't care if you spend the whole day outside without me; I just want you back here sleeping beside me at the end of the day". I'm not sure that attitude has persisted.
LetsAllSitDown
1yr ago
"whatever's left after deducting shared expenses she can do with what she wants"
That's one way of doing it. Realistically what this will look like after 10 years is that I will have saved up a lot of money and she will have saved up almost none. Then when we go to buy a house, the deposit will primarily come from me, partly because I earned more and partly because I saved more.
The earned more part I don't have a problem with. That's what I signed up for by getting married. My money is our money. But the saved more part makes me feel like a schmuck. Why should I be sacrificing more for that goal than she?
LetsAllSitDown
1yr ago
I'll bet he's got a fair chunk of the wife's money going into savings.
Well, yes and no. Yes, because 90% of all the bills come from my account, but no, because if she'd paid "her share" she'd have almost nothing left. I think this is part of the problem. Because all the bills are coming from my account, she has quite a lot of money left in her account, and this makes her feel like she hasn't spent much. In fact, she "saved" $10000 in her account over the last 9 months or so, and was quite proud of it. Pointing out that this number wasn't very meaningful because only 10% of the bills came from her account didn't land very well.
LetsAllSitDown
1yr ago
Perhaps therapy for her? Especially if she is spending for social reasons to fit in.
She is in therapy. Not specifially about that, but she talks about this too.
Does she have a specific category where she spends the most? Eating out? Fancy clothes? Etc?
It's mostly online shopping, so clothes and handbags. Makeup and getting nails and hair done as well. Coffee and going out with friends.
Would it be possible for y'all to earn more money while keeping the spending stable?
We've both received small pay increases recently. I've been keeping my eyes out for new jobs, but I'm not finding anything that pays more so far.
I've kind of mentioned it. But she's very "what do you mean", and I'm struggling to express all the ways that her anxious parenting is stressing us all out.
It's stuff like
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