Boarchariot
8mo ago
I've met far-right pagans in the metal scene when I was younger. Far right ideology used to be very present in underground metal, but in person there's pushback so the people I met were low-key and didn't talk about it unless comfortable. Definitely more of a presence online where you could find tonnes of shitty black metal cassettes with undertones of white supremecy amd paganism. Even some larger black metal acts lean into it. Not sure nowadays, I assume it is still present but more lowkey or rare.
Boarchariot
9mo ago
Maybe the healthcare system where you are is different, but why not a physiotherapist? In my experience, the biggest benefits you will get from a chiropractor are temporary or coincide with physio techniques. Do a bit of research and find a physiotherapist who deals with athletics (maybe running specifically). Back pain is weird. Unless there was an injury that sparked the pain, it sounds like an issue with form and overcompensation. Usually that means taking break from aggravating activities, doing strengthening exercises, and mobility work. There often isn't a dramatic one time fix.
Boarchariot
9mo ago
Glad you got some clarity, and I hope things get better from here. Those are very sensible steps. You and Syreen both sound like loving partners who care deeply about one another, a great foundation for any challenge that comes your way.
Boarchariot
9mo ago
There are all sorts of books and websites out there. Career Test is a decent website. My experience is that many resources are too specific since career paths often take unexpected twists and turns based on all sorts of factors.
I switched career paths a few years ago and it worked out really well. A lot of that was chance. I became a chef so many things will not be applicable. But some things that helped in retrospect:
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I was able to get work experience before getting too invested. I got a basic line cook job at a local restaurant (probably not an option for many careers) and it gave me the chance to understand the work environment and skills required in the job. I took two years of school and was able to work in my chosen field at the same time, so while the job isn't a huge money-maker at the start, it's not an initial money sink either.
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I switched to a career I enjoy and am good at. As someone who is (probably) older, you have a leg up in these areas since you probably know your preferences and strengths better than someone in high school. Use that understanding to your advantage.
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Speaking of strengths, consider the mundane, day-to-day skills you will need in your career. Those are usually more important than the blatant advertised skills e.g. organization, time management, procedural thinking, customer service, flexibility, team work, stress management, creativity are all as important as being able to cook well for my job, and are required in order to grow. You can learn the skills specific to the job, but you won't get direct lessons on the soft-skills. Again, this probably gives you a leg up on some people who go into a career from school.
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Consider the lifestyle. Physical fitness, whether you will be standing or sitting all day, doing the same thing or variety, etc. Those preferences and abilities are huge in the long run. They also put a lifespan on your career path.
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School is useful for networking, learning is secondary. Being a student opens opportunities to work in better places and build connections with important people. People who wouldn't otherwise give you the time of day will pay attention to you as a student who demonstrates a willingness to learn and work hard, so use that to your advantage if you end up going to school. Culinary school was worth the money to me for that alone. Other careers will require you to go to school for accreditation, just don't lose sight of the other benefits.
Boarchariot
9mo ago
You have been in the relationship for a long time, but how close and intimate is the relationship? You live separately, are long distance, you are having trouble with sex, and you are posting on an online forum for advice instead of having a conversation with your partner. I could be wrong, but based on this post, I am guessing one of the biggest hurdles you will have is being honest with yourself and Syreen, and addressing the deep-seated concerns you have about your relationship.
As someone who has had casual sex, it can be fun, but not much more than that. Flings range from "meh" to "pretty good". The best sex I have ever had is with a partner in the comfort of a relationship where we have communicated our preferences over time. I get that there's a bit of FOMO about casual sex if you've never done it, but you have to ask yourself if the underlying reason for your sudden curiosity is an underlying anxiety about your relationship and avoiding hard considerations. To me, your post reveals a waning attracting to your partner (maybe in relation to some mundane but scary choices you have to make), while doing everything you can to avoid addressing it by deferring to the more exciting notions of casual sex, kinks, etc. which are missing in your life.
I've always taken the exact opposite approach to finding a relationship (sex very early, build a connection after) for better or worse. The things you note as being great in your relationship reflect how it was built. It is calm, you have compatible values, it is focused on long-term growth and stability. But the things that have been put the side are now becoming concerns: excitement, sex, and physical compatibility. The good news is that a loving long-term partner is a great foundation for communication and exploration. It will just require work and conscious consideration if those things haven't come as naturally.
I think you need to be real about your sexual attraction to your partner, and consider changing the physical dynamic you have. Living with a partner changes the dynamic. If the majority of your time is spent away from one another and only visiting sporadically, you don't really know what living together is like. To me, marriage would be a pretty scary notion if I wasn't confident in the long-term viability of sex and mundane living with my partner (among many other things). You will probably have to have some nerve-wracking conversations about your worries. But addressing those worries should strengthen your relationship in the long-run and allow it to grow, if that seed is there.
Specific advice: don't cheat. If you end up breaking up with your partner because you want to experiment, aren't ready to settle, etc. then it will be hard, but you aren't doing anything particularly shitty. Some relationships run their course. Cheating is the worst possible outcome. Start with honest communication, and end with honest communication (or perhaps continue with honest communication, happily ever after, for the rest of your life).
Go do things that are viscerally enjoyable. See some mountains, or the ocean. Go for a walk in the woods. Do some star gazing. Take a trip to a national or state park. You can't see or experience anything cool after skipping to the end, so enjoy the ride. You'll get there eventually anyway, no need to be hasty.
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