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self_made_human

amaratvaṃ prāpnuhi, athavā yatamāno mṛtyum āpnuhi

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joined 2022 September 05 05:31:00 UTC

I'm a transhumanist doctor. In a better world, I wouldn't need to add that as a qualifier to plain old "doctor". It would be taken as granted for someone in the profession of saving lives.

At any rate, I intend to live forever or die trying. See you at Heat Death!

Friends:

A friend to everyone is a friend to no one.


				
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self_made_human


								

								

								
								
									
								
								
								
								

								
							
					
 
				


				
amaratvaṃ prāpnuhi, athavā yatamāno mṛtyum āpnuhi

				
				
				

				

					15 followers  

					follows 0 users  

					joined 2022 September 05 05:31:00 UTC
				


				
					

					
I'm a transhumanist doctor. In a better world, I wouldn't need to add that as a qualifier to plain old "doctor". It would be taken as granted for someone in the profession of saving lives.


At any rate, I intend to live forever or die trying. See you at Heat Death!



				

				
					
Friends:

					
A friend to everyone is a friend to no one.


				

				

				

				

					

					

					
					
					

					
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				Culture War Roundup for the week of March 16, 2026
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
I see that there's research out there where they did use modified adenoviruses to demonstrate pathology seen in Ebola.


But that is not the technique used to make the only FDA approved vaccine, ERVEBO. That was made through recombinant VSV.  I will grant that they did try and make a an adenoviral-derived vaccine, which kinda sorta worked okay in monkeys.


Also, I am not claiming that GOF has zero utility, my core contention is that whatever actual and potential utility it might have is more than canceled out by the risks.


These researchers seem to have tried to produce only a single Ebola protein, they didn't try to make super-Ebola spread through sneezing. They didn't select for virulence or transmissibility, which is what people usually complain about when criticizing GOF. At least I do.


Also, I do not think you have supported your original claim. You said that "the" vaccine was made through GOF, which it was not. I would believe that those specific choice of words strongly implies the only vaccine actually being given to people. And making a modified adenovirus is very, very far from "airborne Ebola". Nothing of that sort seems to exist. I would go so far as to say it's misleading, a very large stretch of the facts as far as I can see them.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Culture War Roundup for the week of March 16, 2026
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
I am probably not the right person to ask for an authoritative answer here, but since you did:


There is immense selection pressure for any pathogen to become one that spreads through airborne routes. I imagine the typical virus or bacteria would be very happy to not need direct contact or very close proximity.


But the fact that this almost never happens is strongly suggestive of the innate difficulty involved. Millions of people have caught and transmitted HIV for several generations, but it has yet to figure it a way to fly. Fucking is a far poorer alternative, but it's what the virus has. Flying fucks? Can't say.


I suspect that this is mostly because evolution is retarded and doesn't think ahead, and diseases become strongly optimized for whatever mode of transmission they started with. Plus factors like sunlight or heat are not kind to airborne pathogens, UV light reliably kills most of them. The sheer volume of air around dilutes them to the point that they struggle to reach critical mass by the time they reach the respiratory tract of the potential host.


Look at the amount of adaptation that fungal spores require to survive for more than few minutes while floating, it takes a lot of work.


Also, and very importantly, there is a rather artificial distinction made between airborne vs aerosol spread/direct deposition. Aerosol spread disease particles are suspended in air, they just tend to settle or disperse beyond close proximity.


I think the risk of Ebola naturally evolving to the point it spread primarily through air for more than a dozen feet and not very close proximity or contamination is negligible in our lifetime. We'd be so fucking screwed if the average disease could pull that off, so the fact we're still around is insightful in of itself.


(I wrote all of this myself, and later used ChatGPT to check in case I was making some kind of stupid mistake. ChatGPT tells me I'm basically right, though it's scolding me for leaving out some nuance. It can piss off, it's not the boss of me.)


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				The American Renewal Act: A 127-Point Systems-Level Overhaul (Citizen Juries, 20% Market Cap, and a New Constitutional Anchor)
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
Seemed like good old-fashioned human ranting. I've seen plenty.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				The American Renewal Act: A 127-Point Systems-Level Overhaul (Citizen Juries, 20% Market Cap, and a New Constitutional Anchor)
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
Thank you. Even if I'm more pro-LLM than most, I happily encourage you to report any comments where you suspect bad faith use of AI. That includes even mine.


Your patience is commendable, if someone tried to pull that with me I would have had choice words. I still do not know if he was being 100% lazy, relying on an autonomous agent (quite likely) or just manually copying and pasting. His flame out, which I will spare you from reading, does demonstrate proof of humanity somewhere. Just not where I wanted it.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Hamnet, infant mortality and attachment styles
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
Thank you for the context, you're right, I meant limbo, though I'm not sure what the distinction is. I'll look it up.




But nobody is going to contradict Fathers of the Church so there's still room for 'neither confirmed nor denied'.




You say this, on a forum where I am like 99.999% certain self-described have argued against recent Papal-endorsed changes in doctrine. I wouldn't expect otherwise on the Motte, we'd argue with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates about regressive tax regimes and a DEI policy that unfairly privileges consumptive orphans.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Culture War Roundup for the week of March 16, 2026
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
I have not heard of this, but a quick perusal of the literature has not turned up anything that supports your claims.


There's no airborne variant of Ebola, even an artificial one, AFAIK. There were experiments on aerosolizing it, and the VSV vaccine was tested for ability to protect from aerosol exposure in Macaques, as a proxy for protection against bioterrorism.


I do not see a reason to phrase the claim the way you do, there appears to be little to support the claim that GOF helped with the vaccine (beyond the usual need to test the vaccine on the actual pathogen), let alone that GOF was strictly necessary for the purpose of making a vaccine. We make vaccines all the time without GOF, I do not see how it is a requisite. Ebola is not that special as a disease.


I do not want to jump to claiming that you are intentionally lying or being misleading, but I do still think you are factually incorrect, and I must insist on citations.


Edit: To be clear, I am specifically talking about GOF for virulence and lethality.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Culture War Roundup for the week of March 16, 2026
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
I agree, but I think it's necessary to consider potential and confirmed upside when doing a cost-benefit analysis. Now, from memory, I can't think of anything good coming out of GOF for virulence or lethality, but I am not a microbiologist nor have I done a comprehensive literature review. But from own adjacent professional knowledge, as well as the criticisms raised by people like Scott and Zvi, I am still strongly negative. It would have to be damn strong positive evidence in favor to outweigh even theoretical deaths or damage, and I have not seen anything nearly as robust. They'd have to demonstrate that the benefits could not be achieved through a route that isn't GOF.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Culture War Roundup for the week of March 16, 2026
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
While I am far from 100% certain that Covid was a lab leak, I take the possibility seriously. I share your frustration with GOF research, there is no way in hell that the potential benefits are proportional to the risks.


Unless the lab is working in Antarctica, or at least a highly isolated environment with strict screening and quarantine for all workers (weeks to months) and far from population centers, it is a stupid game played for stupid prizes. If your primary motivation is a well stuffed CV, then I would not object if you were hit by a car. If the people doing it genuinely believe they are acting in the public interest, I am dismayed, and would still seek lawsuits for unconscionable negligence.


The best place to intentionally make hyper virulent and lethal novel pathogens is somewhere in the orbit of the Moon. If you can't do that yet, it's best not to try in the first place.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				The American Renewal Act: A 127-Point Systems-Level Overhaul (Citizen Juries, 20% Market Cap, and a New Constitutional Anchor)
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
Amadan is being polite and not naming me, as the person who let this through the filter. I was in a generous mood, and wanted to give even a new poster a shot since they met the low bar of having a submission statement and a proactive AI disclosure.


I'm incredibly annoyed that my charity was abused, especially when a quick perusal of the comments a while later revealed he was clearly using AI to do the substantial heavy lifting, without even the courtesy of saying so. Like, c'mon @Createdabill, I have more tolerance for, and am significantly more positive on the scope for human-AI collaboration than is the norm here, and you've disappointed me greatly. I feel like I've adopted a not particularly attractive elderly dog out of charitable impulse, and then it turned out to be a pit-mix that goes on to maul my small children.


If you are going to use AI, then even from a purely personal stance (one not accounting for the general welfare of the Motte and public opinion, which I do take seriously), copy-pasting raw LLM output without disclosure is beyond the pale, anywhere, anytime, or at least the foreseeable future. Especially after people like @Rov_Scam and others put in significant manual effort in engaging with you. It particularly pisses me off because I try to maintain considerably higher standards myself, while doing something that is somewhat controversial but morally acceptable (IMO).


Crashing out in the mod mail doesn't help his case either.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
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Have most Catholics come to terms with the abolition of purgatory? I'm genuinely curious.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
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Thank you for the advice, but you are (fortunately) wrong here.


I pay for ChatGPT and Gemini. I am also familiar with AI Studio since the Gemini 1.5 days. I use them regularly, and make sure to pick the good models. I read Model Cards when new LLMs come out! I am a regular on LW and HN haha. I have essays on LLM hallucinations, I argue with people here about how to best use them, from a place of >0 technical knowledge. I tell people about AI Studio like every other week, for the same reason.


I was intentionally refraining from relying on an LLM to answer for me, even if I think the LLM would have done a good job. I checked later, and fortunately, I was right. This was both a courtesy to the person I'm talking to, and because I wanted to check the quality of my own knowledge. Mostly the former.


Thanks nonetheless, I know enough to say that your advice is good, in case anyone needs it more than I did.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Culture War Roundup for the week of March 16, 2026
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
You had me going at the start.




that you had hot enough teachers for that.




Look, for once I'm the person grading on a curve. There's an apocryphal story/meme of a man being so horny while internet deprived that he jerked off to a smoke detector, describing it as a "ceiling titty". At that age, I could relate, I am much calmer these days, and I do not miss having a raging libido with no real outlet.


But yeah, a few of the teachers could get it. Still would, except that they've probably gone from MILFs to GILFs. It has been a while, and I am not willing to start a relationship with such a problematic age gap (it would be elder abuse).




Or maybe you truly are a MILF enjoyer. Not that I judge, considering how many of my peers are nowadays MILFs.




At that age, MILF meant women from 27 to 45. And porn actresses somehow go from "barely legal" to "MILFs" on the lower side of that range, with almost nothing in between, so maybe I was prescient.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Hamnet, infant mortality and attachment styles
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
Nah, I'd say it covers a lot of autistic or adjacent men too, in my experience. Women require a non-negligible amount of emotional labor, as much as they claim to be responsible for all of that. I'm lucky some of it comes naturally, but I often have to make an intentional effort.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Hamnet, infant mortality and attachment styles
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
Good post. AAQC'd. I agree that there is a strong cultural component when it comes to attitudes and reactions to childhood mortality, for the same reasons. I would so far as to say it applies to miscarriage, I am somewhat confident that women in India do not make nearly as much of a fuss about them, when compared to American counterparts. That includes wanted and planned pregnancy. It is usually treated as a sore disappointment, instead of a reason to break down and receive a great deal of sympathy. We are also much more pragmatic when it comes to abortions, especially terminations due to physical abnormalities in the fetus.


Of course, everyone would be extremely sad and upset if the baby was birthed at term or someone's child died during infancy. Most people younger than my nearly centenarian grandpa do not remember the days of 50% infant mortality here. Antibiotics and cesareans made a HUGE difference.


PS: I think you should have saved this for Scott's book review contest, especially if you added more citations in support of your theories.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				My Willing Complicity in "Human Rights Abuse"
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
I appreciate the advance warning. I will reward you, not with a metaphorical cookie, but a real beer if I'm down at the Wharf: if you are not particularly Muslim, if I am there again, and if you care to. The main thing that struck me about CW, other than the cleanliness and wealth, was how cheap the booze was in London terms. I'm glad Finance people are stingy and very eager to engage in arbitrage, at least when it benefits me.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Culture War Roundup for the week of March 16, 2026
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
I have seen and heard some very concerning things in the UK, from people of what I expect come from a comparable background. I'm glad that I'm too young to be subject to too many vascular risk factors other than a poor diet, but my eyebrows did hurt from the exercise.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Chesterton's Pill
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
I can see what you're getting at, in theory, but I think that if that was the driving impetus behind an entire intern year, then I feel like the lesson would be learned in 2 months. I know that you meant that there's actual clinical learning going on, but it didn't take me very long to learn to do the attendant drudgery on command.


Of course, performing surgery as the primary surgeon after graduation (without the necessary postgrad qualifications) is nominally illegal in India, so our bosses and seniors knew that too much effort teaching us actual procedural skills would be wasted time.


The situation is very heterogeneous in India, sometimes the interns do do just scut work and make no meaningful decisions, sometimes they're effectively in charge and winging it, which hopefully does teach them something. In the UK, FY1s are glorified secretaries, FY2s are thrown into the clinical crucible, IMO too abruptly.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Culture War Roundup for the week of March 16, 2026
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
Look, I fantasized about sleeping with my (female) teachers from 8th grade onwards, it was a sex-segregated institute, and I had sadly little contact with female peers. I was too chubby and acne ridden for a teacher seducing me to be a remotely realistic prospect. But if they had been blind and demented, I don't think I'd have accused them of sexual assault. I'd be hell-yeahing with the boys.


A gay art tutor once tried and (failed) molesting me, and at no point was I into it. My parents fired him, but did not press charges as I wish they had. It probably wouldn't have gone anywhere.


I still remain a MILF-enjoyer, and most of my serious relationships were with slightly older women. Sadly, MILF increasingly just means women my age, both because of a regression in the strictness of standards on porn sites, and the unkind passage of time.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Chesterton's Pill
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
Thank you for elaborating, I'm appreciative.




Also, usually the intern year for surgery is wasted on floor monkeying only pretty much.




Ah. So this is universal, speaking from experience in the UK and India. I've heard even other postgrad trainees (in the UK) make the same complaint.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Culture War Roundup for the week of March 16, 2026
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
I apologize for the rambly, incomplete post. A few things came to mind after writing, and a more polished draft on my blog addresses some of them.


But since you ask:


The risky texting with multiple men (or boys, or women, or LLMs, I'm not sure to 100% certainty) was somewhat suggestive. Also, I think I had some reason to think that a potential partner had been the perpetrator of abuse, but don't quote me on that.


I promise that we would not have admitted on the basis of such scanty evidence, it was merely discussed, a mistake because I was listening and I love writing. The safeguarding after sexual abuse was probably the necessary and sufficient cause behind the admission.


But people are conservative enough that just the idea of a young teen girl watching porn and wanting to screw (even an age appropriate) boyfriend would have a few psychiatrists here diagnose hypersexuality. I would disagree with them, dismissing them as out of touch old fogies who did not see genitalia of the opposite sex till med school, if that was all the evidence. Right now, I mostly suspend judgement.


(My parents were annoyed when I first dated a girl. Naturally, it was someone I met at private coaching outside of high school. Naturally, their primary concern was that I was distracted from studies. Unfortunately, they were correct: That bitch deserves blame for making me so depressed that my grades suffered and I didn't get into a very good med school. They did not accuse me of hypersexuality, at least not till much later, and that too tongue-in-cheek, mostly because I had another bad breakup and was processing it by bringing too many women home since I was too cheap to pay for a hotel. Don't judge.)


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				My Willing Complicity in "Human Rights Abuse"
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
Thank you. I genuinely did not lie about tearing up, I would be ashamed of a cheap rhetorical trick to gain sympathy. I am often caught in the position of seeing the worst misery the world can offer, and doing much less than I wish I could to alleviate it. I try my best.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Chesterton's Pill
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
Boo. I genuinely was looking forward to a longer, more detailed polemic! I am zooted on stimulants, and not in a mood to study, so medicine-adjacent cognition is a good way to fool myself that I'm doing something productive.


I will note I have never heard another surgeon say this, at least in India, and I know more surgeons than can fit in a large OR. At least while maintaining aseptic conditions.


Then again, specific laparoscopic training is not a core part of the surgical curriculum, from my understanding. I have had my own seniors approach me, asking for my dad's number so they could ask him to teach them laparoscopic surgery with proper depth. He is somewhat famous for being a good, albeit short tempered teacher. My dad tried teaching me too, though all I can say is that I didn't drop the camera or cut off anything too important.


(He also taught himself laparoscopic surgery using a textbook, sometime in the 90s. Once again, deadly serious. He was a pioneer in these parts. I am but an ant in comparison.)




My favorite for this is autoimmune encephalitis, seldom seen, often missed, never fails to make the psychiatrist feel like the smartest person in the world and everyone else feel like a dumbass




I would agree with you, if I had ever seen a case of autoimmune encephalitis. Best I've got is a genuinely unresolved case provisionally (so long it became permanent) diagnosed as extremely treatment resistant schizophrenia, where we excluded it and half of WebMD as differentials. My boss had to book a private plane to send him to the only ward in the country that would take him, this is not a joke or exaggeration. This is in the UK, and the government paid for all of it. I'm sure you're jealous, I hope you're jealous, give me one reason to not desperately wish I was in your place :(


(I will take a concession that you wish you didn't have to worry about insurance)


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
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Listen nobody here wants me to bitch about the decline in surgical skills training driven by laparoscopic and robotic surgery. It is poorly received every time! Every time!




Hey, don't be so harsh. You do have an audience for that diatribe, even if it might just be me. Let it all out, I have a father who I cannot accuse of lacking surgical skills even if his expertise is in laparoscopic surgery (and he is world-class at it, if I say so myself). This is a safe space.


Thank you for taking the time to indulge both of us. I am relieved to not be accused of being too wrong.




In the U.S. we shuttle things from Psychiatry to Neurology once we understand them (schizophrenia used to be early onset dementia, then we figured out what dementia was and punted it over). If something is still a psychiatric problem it means it is quite a bit more tenuous and complicated than a nevus or blood pressure evaluation.




Among the many things I've seen that I've neglected to write up so far, was a patient who came to us that day with vertigo and double vision. She clearly had strabismus, as I could tell when I made eye contact (singular). No, there were no psychiatric symptoms, even after questioning. The people who accept and direct new patients to the relevant clinic are less than perfectly reliable, and that is without getting into some of the very questionable referrals I personally observed. We sent her off to neuromedicine, medicine and ENT, they deserve a taste of their own medicine. They've done much worse.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Culture War Roundup for the week of March 16, 2026
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
Content warning: An undercooked, rambly post with minimal editing but it's a slow news day, clearly. Also, sexual abuse, so I don't bury the lede entirely.


I recently heard about (but didn't personally review) a very interesting patient. Same Indian hospital I mentioned visiting, but now in the ward itself and not the clinic.


The most senior doctor, the lady in charge of the department, was interrogating the interns and trainees who had reviewed her. While I was standing around and trying to look present.


I initially heard:


    

  • The girl was addicted to her phone, and used it for 12 hours a day.
    • 

  • She obsessively made extremely "cringe" Instagram reels, and that quote is verbatim, including while still in hospital, before her phone was taken away for violating the privacy of other patients. A colleague opened her public profile and showed us. They were, in fact, very low effort and cringy. I will not get into the ethics of his decision, I don't care personally, and it was for a good cause. Everyone else agreed they were cringe.
    • 

  • She had a poor relationship with her parents. Why? Apparently she had recently made a boyfriend, and they did not like him. Her father had usually been quite doting, but even he drew the line here. They physically hit her (which is still far from remarkable in India, at least where I lived. My ass has no permanent scars but my mother sure bent me over the knee till I was big enough to risk her joints breaking).
    • 

  • She was particularly mad because her older sister had just made a boyfriend, and her parents were cool with that.
    • 

  • No, I don't know anything about the character and disposition of either man.
    • 

  • She was very mad about her phone being taken away, even if the doctors had actually been generous in even letting her keep it in the first place. No phones is standard policy, even if not consistently enforced.
    • 



At this point, the senior doctor asked me for my thoughts. I jumped, I had been thinking about a cute kitten I saw, one that had not been subject to the same teratogenicity seen in the ones hanging around in the medicine ward upstairs, as observed my myself while an intern. Maybe I had been wondering if I should pirate Mewgenics. Anyway, digression over.


"Uh.. Why was she admitted in the first place?" I asked. Both a genuine question, and an attempt to avoid being caught zoning out. This sounded... normal, or at least I would not hospitalize someone for doing this. It's 2026, even I, once committed to abstinence from brainrot, occasionally browse Reels. It sounded like normal teenage girl stuff.


She had been subject to sexual abuse, quite recently. My teacher (because I was present in my capacity as a very slightly overqualified medical student, at least in practice) didn't immediately elaborate.


But I soon learned, once again from being there, albeit with clearer ears:


    

  • She had told the doctor taking her history that she was very frustrated that she was in college and that it was unfair to deny her the right to a relationship at such a formative time in her life. I will add that I misheard this, she was not in college. You are being subject to a stream of thought.
    • 

  • Her older sister had caught her staring at her, in the dark, in her bedroom. I don't know if it was a shared one. She had been standing there, menacingly, by all reports. But she had not made any move to hurt her, beyond the usual tantrums.
    • 

  • Till this point, I thought we were talking about someone in college. No, she was 13, and not precocious enough to make the cut. At least academically, I'll get to behavior.
    • 

  • She had been caught talking to multiple people via DMs. While my colleague was euphemistic, I get the strong impression sexting or at least strong dirty talk was involved.
    • 

  • She regularly used sock-puppet accounts to engage with her posts, which weren't that popular. I do not really want to judge the good looks of a 13 year old, but in all honesty, she was plain. That included a fake account masquerading as her sister, and also using fake accounts to make allegations about her sister.
    • 

  • She was described as hypersexual. A trainee she got on well with said that she had disclosed kissing a boy, though I don't know if she went further. She told him she fantasized about romance and sex, and watched porn regularly.
    • 

  • There had been an effort made to distinguish behavior from fantasy. She claimed she had never acted on her interests, but desperately wanted to.
    • 



Then the bombshell: she had accused her father and grandfather of sexual abuse, on the basis of viewing porn and probably material trying to raise awareness. This was probably not the reason she was admitted (though I didn't specifically ask). She said her father had, a few years back, touched her privates. He did not do anything (more) explicitly sexual. She claimed her grandpa had once embraced her, taken her head, and rested it against her chest. That is all. She had not found it objectionable at the time.


We debated this for a bit. The general consensus, which I agree with, is that her grandpa was doing normal loving grandpa things. I do not want to accuse her father of abuse.


Her mood had not been obviously bad. She had, after all, been making reels in the ward.


At this point, the senior doctor mentioned ADHD, and pointed at excessive phone use as an example of a driving need to avoid boredom. I looked around shiftily, I have ADHD myself, and my screen-time has been, by objective report, very high. But I did ask if she was contemplating EUPD/BPD. Okay, I did make an error, it was at this point that I learned she was 13, which did make me raise an eyebrow.


She said that she was open to the idea, but the patient was too young at present (this is true, I checked since I didn't want to trust my memory more than I can throw it). Good suggestion, she told me, but people can grow out of things, and upbringing and support can make all the difference at that age. I have no reason to disagree. I also mentally considered histrionic personality disorder back then, but the same issues with age arise. I do not believe she was on meds, though I could be wrong.


I did not promise that there was a point to this essay, but I did find the whole situation thought provoking. Maybe the main reason she was admitted was safe-guarding and observation, I am confident that is part of the reason at least. Nobody pinned a firm diagnosis where I could see it. It just struck me as an example of a grey area, all the more unusual for an Indian context. You might be okay with the idea of a 13 yo girl having a boyfriend, and maybe having sex with said boyfriend. Maybe my teacher was slightly out of touch, and being on the phone all day is now entirely normal. I am guilty, though I tell myself I use it productively. Maybe being deeply jealous of her sister is a normal enough reaction to circumstances. I do not have the full picture - because I have ADHD and the ward was noisy. Mostly the ADHD.


I will, both for personal and professional curiosity, and by (imagined) public demand, seek answers if I ever visit again, or maybe just text my new friends. What I found the most concerning, at least from memory, is the potential hypersexuality, which genuinely can be a sign of past sexual abuse, even if she's just about old enough for it to be debatable.


This post brought to you by a large dose of Ritalin, after I made the mistake of taking it while too tired to actually study. I hope no one predicted this halfway through the essay.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Small-Scale Question Sunday for March 15, 2026
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
I replied before reading all of the comments, so I'm glad to see others feel a similar way. If I was dead, the fact that my wife kept my data and memories, and tried to play a video game I would like with our child would have meant everything to me.